Bones creak
as if years sell wisdom without lubricant.
Vast spaces of conversation
are now filled with westerly squalls
lashed by icy remorse.
Dorian Gray photos of timeless beauty
stare nebular and lost
from when moments emanate hope.
Love.
When it held hands and danced.
When it heard faint murmurs
and pulled you closer
to heal its ache.
“It’s getting dark early.”
“Mmmm…what was that?”
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything Goes!! by HowardsDaughter.
350 points, ended April 25, 2008, 34 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Don't know how you tuned this in, but speaking from experience you have zeroed in on those feeling, regrets of age. Very easy to identify with. Congrats on the Gold.
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God I wish the body didn't have to grow old! To make us stare at old photo's just to relive the salad days when making love was able to last what seemed an eternity (well if it was good then eternity was ok) but I shall turn up the collar against the chilly winds that I feel in my bones now and crank up the heater with a glass of milk, the cat and a good book. Love, C
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The Picture of Dorian Gray is one of my favorite books, I loved that line in this piece.
Thank you for entering and all the best in the contest. -
Well unfourtunately I cannot give you as in depth a comment as you gave me, but I'll just say I liked it and tell you why haha
I really liked the Dorian Gray line and the vast spaces line. Loved the flow. Loved the words. Great poem and thank you for your comments on mine
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Love the opening line here. I like the end too. Ignore the other guy.
m
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just rereading this, its incredibly beautiful, if it were mine i would end it at "ache", its a very poignant moment and would make a wonderful close... the rest seems superfluous after that... really nice
al -
I like this one too, very nicely done David... lovely imagery and close, although it did remind me of a Yogi Berra quote "it gets late early around here", what do you expect from an NY Yankees fan...lol
very nice entry here
al -
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he's not the mate of Boo Boo is he? Just kidding, I love Yogi Berra but I don't know that quote. Being a yankee fan you may want to, (may not too) see how I trample across the holiest of speeches and turn Lou Gehrig into a cockney with his good bye speech.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2343087
I have a photo of Joe DiMaggio, I have the print framed on my desk with the famous drive of Victor Trumper.
http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/NYG/30506~Joltin-Joe-DiMaggio-Posters.jpg
http://www.leski.com.au/catalogues/a293/images/0358.jpg
It to me symobilised the sheer beauity and balance and the actual simplicty of baseball. Trumper's baseball equal was probably Shoeless Joe jackson, both tragedies. One died to0 early and the other was caught up in a scandal where he was very likely innocent but crucified none the less.
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A serious poem from Mr Australia? That's nice!
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I really admire the ambiguity here, told with such a narrative feel. It is a 'tempting' poem, calling the reader to dig a little more, a little more again. Especially liked the allusions drawn between age and the coldest season ... a metaphor that has certainly been used before, but rarely with such skill
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sorry, stiff creaky fingers forgot to applaud!
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The creaks, the haze and darkness come way too early...trying to embrace winter but it really, really sends me into a coma. Don't really know what it is, but do I really have to? Gave up on that in the fall (of my life).....brrrrrrr; hope I don't freeze to death!
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I liked this, David... there seems to be two parts to this poem and it highights the sense of being disconnected - almost as if there is two mindsets here... like being lost in thought... a "star and lost" situation. This winter poem has a story behind it and you've said just enough to tickle the reader's interest. Yes, poetry that shows!
~ Nicolette
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hmmm....
Damn the English teacher in me. I'm still bouncing from foot to foot trying to find a consistency in tense. Can't decide if the unexpected is meant to be an intentional jolt reflecting the movement from present to past or simply bumps that need to be sanded. Despite that internal debate, the density of the emotions/reflections/obsersations strikes the chord of my core.
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this is beautiful, I rather like it
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Reads like a set of isolated ideas, some of which are rather half cooked. No flow or feeling or continuity.
Another poet here told me poems are only poems if they work read aloud, I think I agree. On that basis this isn't really a poem. -
I think the vast seperation from the body of the poem to the dialog at the end is fabulous. It creates the disconnect you are looking for. Excellent work.
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There's not much more I can say that hasn't already been said here. It's obviously the general consensus that this poem is exceptional.
In just a few lines you've opened up the imagination of the reader and invited us into a Winterscape with a story behind it.
Bottom line: I like this a lot!
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Interesting...
I liked how you reference to Dorian Gray, gave it that extra Dark appeal!
All the best,
~T.S~
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This was a really good poem here.
Here is my favorite section in the poem...
“It’s getting dark early.”
“Mmmm…what was that?”
I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Kari
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I like this but not the final lines, that seems fromanother poem. the rest is brilliant, very nice images and flow.
I think you may mean 'to heal' rather than 'too heal' at the end of stanza 1? -
cool
all around good stuff. the images, and metaphors its just a great read.
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I love this poem, all the images are so unique, coherent, and show so much, and the ending is very impressive, it gives a certain atmosphere I can't quite describe. This is very intense and a pleasure to read. One thing though, I think in the last line of the first stanza there shouldn't be an apostrophe in "its". Just lovely
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OMG
Wow this poem was purely amazing! Your vocabulary is amazing and I love the metaphors, images, symbols you were able to create like "Bones creak/as if years sell wisdom without lubricant./Vast spaces of sonversation/were now filled with westerly squalls/lashed by icey remorse." But I really don't want to quote the whole piece cause u wrote it so u know what it says lol It's amazing
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