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Hanging Gardens and Lemon Meringue

"Hello Mr. Raines, this is Gene calling from American Vacations Unlimited!

We're very excited to offer you the opportunity for a free vacation in the lovely city of Babylon!  This ancient Mesopotamian city, deserted for centuries, is now available with lovely timeshares.

You can be one of the first to invest in these properties whose values can only increase from here!  It's a no-risk situation!

So, what do you say?  Are you interested in coming to Babylon to view our timeshares and earn your free vacation?"

My obnoxious telemarketing friend Gene
This call of yours borders on obscene
I was having dessert when my phone rang
Now I'm missing out on my lemon meringue

The number of morons might be infinite
As there's one born every single minute
But of all of those, I'm surely not one
Don't hang up Gene, for I'm not yet done

I'm sure Babylon is nice this time of year
I could hunker in my timeshare out of fear
I see your pretty picture painted all in black
For Babylon you see, is in the middle of Iraq

So take your free vacation trip
Place it on a huge cargo ship
If it sets sail, please follow it
Take the plunge and swallow it.

About this call, there's one more thing.
Per the FCC my phone shouldn't ring
I'm on the "Do Not Call", so ain't it funny?
Instead of my dough, you'll be paying money!

Author notes

Great idea for a contest, rhyme a response to telemarketers. This was fun!

A contest entry

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Comments


  • quantumsurveyor
    June 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Where has your humour been all my life? The new (here UK) scam, is the pre-recorded message that somehow gets you to ring a number - 1.50 a min or sec, whatever. Keep sticking it to them.


  • Life is a Beach gold member
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh yes! I would love to do this back to a telephone solicitor...but I just hang up. I use to listen and feel guilty and like I needed to be nice and polite and not hurt their feelings. Not anymore...I don't have time! Good one! ***Pam***


  • Melodies
    January 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wildly funny and making me smile!

    Oh, this is a wonderful revenge poem and I do hope you will do something like it on the telephone at the first opportunity! Every line is so filled with mad delight.