the blood on the air
went straight up their noses
while puddles still spread
across dirt and root
rage shook off cold shock
of the robbery and murder
and hearts beat for vengeance
violet and quick
we can't let them get away with this!
we won't let them get away with this!
A contest entry
- Quickie by Starz of Heaven.
525 points, ended January 2, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is very intense, it plunges straight in - "the blood on the air" is a great first line, it really grabs the reader's attention. For me, the last 2 lines aren't as strong as the rest, to me they kind of trivialise the poem. I think "of the robbery and murder," would flow better if you took out "the". The first stanza is my favourite, very strong imagery.
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I added the last 2 lines to make 10 for the contest
I like them
captures a mob justice attitude
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excellent
So perfect for the prompt. Best of luck in the contest.
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hmmm
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This is a nice take on the prompt thank you for your entry goodlukc in the ocntest best wishes and much luck
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