the migration to your heart took longer than we thought
we formed a v so beautifully amongst the w's of war
below the bellows were rising, the bells low to the ground
the ringing of wringing of blood out of canvases
heard a man say he'd like to fly away
bones devoid of hardness
flighty, full of air, feathers fingering atmosphere
beady eyes bringing flying into your direction
as he died we lifted him up with us, unafraid
showed him the winged perfection of the air
for a moment the letter shifted and
he soared alone to his maker,
the rest of us continued south in such a way that stopped sparrows in their lines of vision, eagles earned unwanted liberties, falcons found fish of all flavor
and we rode the sunset into the ocean
Author notes
Birds are the real angels. but i don't want this to be a metaphor. it's just a wish.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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i knew it would be good
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- opening lines are absolutly killer
-the long winded lines are good, i like how you just sort of spurt it out on the page, not fiddiling with how it looked fermenting in your brain..or that is my impression anyways..
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-we formed a v so beautifully amongest the w's of war
amongst.
-below the bellows were rising, the bells low to the ground
nice word play.
you're very creative. loved this. possibly more than the other.
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You have a deft hand with alliteration, which ties the long, rather colloquial lines together and--together with the intricate internal rhyming--transforms prose into poetry. Well handled. A good ear for cadence as well.
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this was so differant from most writes i've read; the whole inspiration behind it was very thoughful and calm. it gave a beautiful sense of peace. i really hope you get something for this its well deserved if you do.
♥
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