Submerged
Hand in hand
we stopped,
before the waves
washed our footprints away.
Eyes locked, I am
drawn to the bottomless sea
of your soul.
Time, before this moment
never existed
as I silently tell you
the story of my life.
In a list
Comments:
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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aawww...this is so romantic...the setting is lovely and the words are so sincere...that makes me want to be submerged into the'deep water'of love...
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i think this write clicks on our prompts quite well.
my only complaint, is that the text looks like it was written in crayon.
aside from that, this is a nice tight write, and tells a familiar story that everyone can appreciate and indulge in.
thanks for entering
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Beautiful!!
Love Your weaving of words Sweet Soul!
Magnificent verse penned~~
Eyes locked, I am
drawn to the bottomless sea
of your soul.
Love this!!
The energy just grabs~ tugs hard at the Heart
Thank You for sharing Your Heart also Spirit~~
Best wishes to You in the contest my Friend!
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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This is just so beautiful. You're amazing at form poetry, but you're great at free verse as well. Wow! I hope you do well in this contest.
Always,
Cassie
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forgot these...
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There is something timeless about this poem and you've achieved wonderful depth in so few words. I liked this one... it's powerful and moving in its brevity - something not everybody is able to achieve. The title compliments the content very well too. A lovely poem and a good take on the contest theme.
Thank you so much for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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"Time, before this moment
never existed
as I silently tell you
the story of my life."
Aw! You've slain me with this one dear, what terse brilliance!
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Beautiful write, Sis. Wonderful imagery and so much emotion expressed in this piece. I liked the last stanza the best. I think that is very true about time when someone meets someone else who they like. When time and life for them actually begins. Keep writing.
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WOW my friend. you have left me without words. I really enjoyed this poem and I love the emotions your words have brought to life. great work.
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I know that I am even more an ignorant novice here that I am in your form poetry. However, I still have to say I don't understand the line breaks. Your words are lovely, and the imagery works but the lines break in a way that stops the reading not helps it. Maybe this is just me being all aural rather than visual just that for me they make the poem less not more.
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Free verse (also at times referred to as vers libre) is a term describing various styles of poetry that are not written using strict meter or rhyme, but that still are recognizable as poetry by virtue of complex patterns of one sort or another that readers will perceive to be part of a coherent whole. When it is used, it tends to follow a looser pattern than would be expected in formal verse. Free verse does away with the structuring devices of regular meter and rhyme schemes; other traditional elements of expression, such as diction and syntax may still be prominent. You are correct in that stops can be at line breaks however in this case I used punctuation. If you start to follow AP poet “micol” you will learn a plethora of poetry structures and schemes. (He commented below) He is an English literature professor and has hundreds of publications as well as being known worldwide in the literature community.
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You begin with hand in hand, which signifies lovers. You mention the footprints and waves, making us recognize the transitory nature of everything. Eyes locked and bottomless sea of soul show a complete connection of a spiritual nature. Funny how sometimes we are completed by the presence of another, making us a new person. So, for us, there was no previous time... we are just now born... fantastic image. You telling the story of your life silently is a fantastic metaphor for opening your heart. This is brilliant and I love it. Great work. Bravo.
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Excellent. Wonderful fluidity, appropriate to the context, moving from stanza to stanza. The final stanza is an ideal capstone for what has gone on before...calm, quiet, meditative, deep as the ocean. A beautiful piece that shows as much structure and control as your formal pieces.
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Silent expressions are sometimes the most meaningful.
Well done. Enjoyed!
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You do Free Verse rather well!!! A very well controlled write with exploding imagery!!! Beautifully done, as always!!!
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beautiful
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Ah, an elegant poem...
Two lovers in a timeless moment at the shore.
Beautiful images and thoughts here in this fine poetry.
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