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First Snow (3 Haiku link)

                   
First Snow - I

        dog sinks deep   
        four-square
        white cold

First snow - II

        fragile birch
        snow drip
        moon sliver

First snow - III

        silence
        breath sparkles
        fox bark



Author notes

We haven't had snow since I moved here nearly three years ago.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • DJ-HiQ
    February 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very beautiful and sweet

    Thanks for your lovely comments and welcome. It's really captures something very succinctly, and is nicely balanced. Kind of time slices of consciousness and memory. Them haikus is great. I don't understand the AP system yet. I'm a free member now. Do I have to review?

    The next one I'm going to post is a little grim, but will be highly cathartic.


  • Lyndon gold member
    January 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Hello

    I endorse Myron entirely.

    dog stands still
    four-square
    in snow

    means more to me than does the "story" as far as a ku is concerned. The kiga is "snow" for winter season.
    I am sure you will use your raw material ASAP in order to "fix" up your haiku.
    Lots of ku-ist wishes, Ron.


    • crystaldust gold member
      January 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Have done my best on the spur of the moment. Shall now read up on haikumonk and look for Azure85 contests. Life is beginning to take on being fun again - many thanks for your help. Joy


  • myron silver member
    January 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    a talking dog?

    Hi, I hope you don’t mind my comments.

    Ron has asked me to try to find some ‘true’ haiku in this contest. I’m looking for haiku which show:
    1) a juxtaposition between two sense images,
    2) written with one break in the grammatical flow and
    3) using clear, unpoetic language.

    In haiku I’m looking to see and hear what the poet sees and hears around them. Most of the entries I’m reading are 17 syllable poems containing thoughts and opinions about nature, often containing statements rather than images. I’m not sure that’s enough to constitute a ‘true haiku’.

    Your samples here are perhaps too poetic for haiku. You work here is wonderful poetry, but unfortunately it is not the plain language generally used for haiku.

    here is an example of what i mean, using the wonderful images within your second poem:

    silver birch
    branches drip snow --
    moon sliver


    Yours in haiku,
    Myron.


  • ShelleyA gold member
    January 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Mum. Lovely haiku. Vivid descriptives. Good word choice and alliteration. You paint a beautiful word picture of first snow. Shelley


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    January 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Grams, this is a delight to read I hope you do well in this contest. Love you always. Laura x

    • crystaldust gold member
      January 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Glad you like this one. You can have a look at Suki now, I've managed to get her where I want her. I gives more sense to the last line of the first haiku, I think. grams.

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