7.34
the analog clock reminds, purring a soft drone
of computer fan;
as i attempt to slay sound, hum music that will cut glass,
she comes
her fingers move in a circle, an act of quenching
gaps
i place - palm on cheek,
and push elbows right on top of the keyboard
as she fishes out a diary - neat, clean
with a smell that lingers in his flesh
2008 i say, and flip
through white pages, turn and toss,
till i stop at one, filled with twelve signs
ram
bull
twins
crab
flick more into the depths of the sky
lion
there, right there, burning on the fifth page,
a leo, fiery, strong, golden -
uninvited, a pause of thinking
breaks
In a list
A contest entry
- Glass Wings by NurseChilly.
750 points, ended January 17, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my love poetry by leander.
700 points, ended February 22, 2008, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give some honest and constructive criticism -
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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bravo
hmmmmm....a most arcane, even esoteric piece of poetry, but with your signature sharp images throughout... well done... bravo... bravo... bravo..
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Just got a hello from a lion few minutes ago! Not a roaring lion, but the sign...you know what I mean
I tell you, what isn't written in the stars, we can write on the pages of our lives.
Liked it how you made the scene seem so vivid. so enjoyable
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This poem has a whole lot of imagery within the lines, and I like that as you know
The connection to love isn't that easy to find, but a few reads can do wonders - not?
Thank you for entering the contest. This is going to the preliminary list!
Leander -
This is an interesting write, presenting visuals and detail.
Well expressed.
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we are sometimes that which the stars and foretold events say we are... I think we can believe in the history of the astrology as it emerges..
well done and many thanks for entering this contest -
a wonderful engaging poem; i have to agree with some others here, you have added a great deal to your poetry toolkit, growth and development are wonderful attributes...PK
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beautiful and rich...
good luck in the contest
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loved this!
a new dairy all bright and shiny holds so much promise
as do your words
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-i'm capricorn. i never liked being capricorn. i like gemini and scorpio better. hey, at least i'm not cancer.
-as i try to slay the sound, hum music that will cut into glass,
fantastic.
-love your recent writes. really impressed lately.
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yeah.. this is so damn good.
you are exploding with change and new-
your writing has taken a turn i can't wait to watch grow and grow-
m
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this was such a visual poem, I could see everything...beautiful!!
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I agree, there's definately a change in your poetry and it's a wonderful change. Your voice is still soft, yet there is more attention to detail and layout. And this one is beautiful... and the butterfly landed just on the right page, the right piece of sun... Loved this one!
~ Nicolette
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you are way ahead with the newness... i'm glad to see a change.
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