C*o*c*a*i*n*e kisses
U
n
d
e
r
a moonlit night.
(Addict)ing lust
in every[bite]
relationship deadly
&&&&you don't even care...
Inside your (rotting.melting.twisting.)
p i e c e by p i e c e.
Don't tell your sob story to me!............
I'm
g
o
n
e
Author notes
Well I was really bored so I tried to do my first dirty pretty style poem. I think dirty pretty is really annoying to read but I was bored so that's my excuse.
Have fun!
A contest entry
- {D.i.r.t.y.\\P.r.e.t.t.y.} -Options- by brittany.geeze.
300 points, ended February 5, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - .the. !D/I/R/T/Y! {*pretty*} by littleBritain.
800 points, ended February 29, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites w/ options!!!!! by perfectsunset.
450 points, ended August 14, 2008, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Well I think it's bad, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Ooh so full of depth and very powerful. Loved this dirty pretty you have penned. Excellent!!
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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I think this is quite well done, and HALLELUJAH no sticky cpas!!!
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To be completely honest, this did not deserve a silver trophy in my opinion. Not even by DP standards. I am not bashing you, either so don't bother telling all of your friends to spam me. I'm just going to be an HONEST critique.
"(Addict)ing lust" I don't understand why you would chose to put parenthesizes around addict if your talking about something addicting. I'm all for extra punctuation so long as it isn't pointless.
"relationship deadly" That line does not really make sense, what about a relationship is deadly? Maybe if you emphasized that point more with some metaphors that worked it would make this piece better.
"Don't tell your sob story to me!............"
Well, I don't really know what to say about that line because it's simply too blunt, there isn't any imagery in this and that really detracts from poetry.
This piece is really just skin and bones, I'm a bit baffled, really at how this earned a silver trophy. But honestly, the only way for this piece to go is Up.
Avery.
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go ashlie and your crazy style of poetry writting. i myself have tried this once before and alas i did fail. but it was quite interesting and better than other dirty pretty because u wrote it! yay! i give u 3 applause!
-Swintha xoxox
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Liked the lines:
C*o*c*a*i*n*e kisses
U
n
d
e
r
a moonlit night.
(Addict)ing lust
in every[bite]
relationship deadly
This is a short piece, I thought it could've been deeper but not too bad.
Keira
MidnightRain -
Um..
Amazing? Love it! So short but i like it, alot.
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it is a little hard to read but it does make it interesting. i liked it.
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