I Was Pretending

the next time i meet someone with your name
i am going to run far far away so they can never
hurt me or mess up my life as much as you have
and continue to and as much as he did.

yet still
you ask too much of me. i'll never forget that
night when after only knowing you four hours, i
gave up everything to you. how you promised it
was more than just one night, you wanted to know
me more, wanted me to be more to you.

you have
your way of taking everything you can with just
one kiss, one touch, one night, and you'll never
give any of it back. i swear on the mug i smashed
when you said you didn't care about me, you didn't
mean anything you said thursday night.

i believe
you meant everything you said that first night. you're
trying to pretend you are invincible, you are cool,
you don't need me because you've got millions of girls
clammering to be with you. i don't see those girls
anywhere.

your attempt
at redeeming yourself with a hug and a heartfelt
'how are you?' was pathetic but went unnoticed by
anyone else in that basement. that moment, too, stays
forever in my wrinkled little mind, along with the first
kiss upstairs in the house.

my friends warned me, for three weeks as
you kept us going, they told me to back down. the second
night we were together with you standing right there,
waiting for me to dance, she said 'don't do it' and i
did it anyways.

i will never forget, and when i
see you in a few days, after not having spoken in
three weeks, i will remain as calm as ever, acting
as though nothing ever happened between us.

act like
you're a wonderful man.