in black despair
she lowers the bottle away from her lips
like a pistol she has decided not to use.
things may still decay and change
but new goodness rises out of old ashes
phoenix goodness; rising out of a new year
and a new start.
Author notes
This one is personal.
Things Dont Always Turn Out That Way
A contest entry
- "I'm On Fire Burning Up These Mysteries" by tigress3737.
600 points, ended January 24, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Its New Years- Start it with some poetry by Mekhala.
367 points, ended January 7, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - New Year Quickie by Rosethorn1.
600 points, ended January 4, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Proudly Presenting: ROUND 1 by TheGreatestLove.
1000 points, ended August 31, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry, Poetry and PreWrites! by Lost Vampyre Angel.
1200 points, ended August 20, 518 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Let me know what you think. Comments and suggestions welcome.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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my felt heart broke when i read these few lines.
a great write. thank you
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This is a great poem. I like how you incorporated the phoenix in there. It is a more complex way of describing it, which makes it all the more interesting.
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There is a degree of bravery involved on the part of the poetess within posting such a personal write,it takes courage to write something so cathartic and lay one's self naked across the page, so to speak.
Especially liked the phraseology of lines two and three, very much so. Good luck with your new years resolution.Bravo.
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i like this... loved the comparison to a phoenix. good luck in all the contests
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Great!
I can sort of think of someway that would be if it was my personal poem, Good Luck! -
good job...thankyou for your entry
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I like the hope and inspiration that this poem gives. I hope you succeed in your new years resolution. Keep your strength. Thank you for entering this fine piece into my contest
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WONDERFUL!
I read that this is a personal write. I am proud of you on many levels. First of all, let me commend you for deciding not to drink and for giving yourself the gift of hope and a bright future on this New Year. Second, as a poet, you have done a splendid job of both saying just enough and knowing what not to say. You gave us an entire history with only two lines and a handful of words, and painted a picture of a brilliant future with only a handful more... that is what I call TALENT!
I only have one suggestion: I'd try "phoenix brilliance" instead of "goodness"... just a little more of a powerful image and less repetition. Or find another word to fit there.
A gem of a poem.
Oh, and one more thing... the gun to bottle metaphor: superb!
Good luck with your resolutions!
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A new year is a good reason for a new start. This speaks of sadness and dispair and yet it ends with hope renewed and glowing. great job.
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