Laying in long black room
Holding on to your perfect hands
Feeling love from a man
You whispered something I didn’t understand
Lost in our thoughts, to high to care
We both felt it coming
Sooner or later we would see
How much love we would need
Just another day for you
As my dream unravel in your hands
I wish the feelings were the same
But everything changed that fateful day
We make promises we love and hate to keep
With rings that mean something more then eyes can see
I know, you know, I know
So why can’t you just let me go
Life would be so much easier
Life could just be fun
If life was just at my pillow
As a dream, where I never have to run
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is a good piece, but if you added the necessary punctuation, I think this would be even better
Great job though -
If life were a dream
If life were a dream there would no need for escape, depending on the dream.
Well writtten--I ve been there when I have wished life was a dream form which escape would come by waking up.
I look for content--if a piece speaks to me. -
There are a few errors that would probably make the poem better if corrected.
"Laying in a long black room
Holding onto to your perfect hands
Feeling love from a man
You whispered something I didn't understand."
Not sure where you want to put the punctuation in there, but it is highly needed -
Longing for Perpertual Truth
Thanks for sharing a real moment that even in ballads, one cannot find the ever essenece of simple true feelings... Nice and Thanks.
Articfalcon
If you like... visit my page and read "Love" and "Hope"
Nice to see you're back and hope all is well.
Welcome Back!
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