Stars--once diamond-dust trails from ex-
ploding crystal balls--flicker dimly now;
Then, bright Orion marched tread-ponderous
beneath an Idaho sky. I woke--down
sleeping bag saturated by dew, bare
feet chilled, crickets echoing from green wheat-
fields--I thought I knew a true future....
And bright Orion marched ponderously.
Last night, through light-glaring LA skies, I
traced hypothetical lines, Betelgeuse
to Rigel--and saw through joints and binding
sinews to distances immortal, vast....
Suns burn in silent vacuum...diamond-rust
Tarnishes...and Orion, merely stars.
Author notes
Option 3: Constellation
A contest entry
- A contest of interesting proportions! by sounds like rain.
650 points, ended January 2, 2008, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I really like the way this poem's imagery takes the reader there -- one could just close his or her eyes, and and picture this. I like how there is so much subtle structure. It's interesting how Orion is at once both just stars and this awe-inspiring sky man. I notice how tarnish is capitalized, which seems to emphasize Orion's journey through the mind of the narrator. I liked this poem quite a bit, thanks so much for sharing it with me.
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For some reason, that constellation has haunted me since childhood...and has shown up on more than one poem. So I deeply appreciated to share that interest...or obsession...through the contest. Thank you again.
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Orion is a favorite of mine for the reasons you state so well...an ancient dying giant star, a bright wonder, and all of the details including the galaxies...in the end just our fertile imagination and vast skies... wonderful sonnet form..PK
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This is a form of poetry I had, until now, never come across...
I absolutely love the continuing thoughts and sentences as you carry the poem to the next stanza.
This is a very nice poem. I even dedicated myself to reading it thrice to capture the point I feel you are trying to make. This is what I get from it: An array of stars arranged in such magnificent pattern and given the name Orion is, nonetheless, just as majestic as each star caught up in the flawless design.
Please tell me if I am on, or near-point in my interpretation. Great write. I thoroughly enjoyed the read!
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That's a fine reading, something that would emerge nicely from the poem. There's also a touch of loss in the piece; something that might have seemed mystical and exotic to a child--even the name, "Orion"!--can become everyday, mundane, vague, to the adult the child becomes.
The form is based on the sonnet, what I call an elemental sonet, a poem that reduces the poem to its 'elements'. Rhyme becomes slant rhyme; nicely regular iambic pentameter becomes colloquial hendecasyllabics in which meter is consciously muted; evenly structured quatrains become ragged, spill over into each other. Sentences almost supersede lines as the basis of structure and meaning. I've been playing with the form, or pseudo-form, for a number of years now. It seems to work for me.
And the impetus for the poem was someone telling me that no serious poem could ever use such a hackneyed phrase as "stars like diamond-dust." Well, with a challenge like that, I had to try.
At any rate, thank you for taking such time and care with the poem. I hope these comments have been interesting/helpful...or at least not too tedious. Again, thanks.
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