I watch as they bury families
from out the corner of my eye,
I hear their cry for vengeance,
feel the desert sigh.
I am the eyes of the eagle
the ears of a panther's prey;
my heart beats the drum of freedom
where jihad winds hold sway.
A savagery unseated
and all that had defiled,
the victory completed,
the jihad winds grew wild.
Death and pain erupted
re-wounding an open sore,
loss of life confounded
by the long arm of their law.
In liberty I trusted,
to fight for peace I swore,
but peace rests in the hearts of men
and we're all prisoners of war.
Author notes
Prompt American Soldier.
A contest entry
- #123 For Winklings and Allpoetry Friends:Choices of topics. by Ronald Wiseman.
6000 points, ended October 7, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Soldiers by Broken Vow.
875 points, ended November 26, 2008, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - HEROES AND HEROINES-poems needed for ecumenical event at Anglican venue. by Vera Rich.
700 points, ended October 22, 2009, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is - in the main - a powerful piece of writing.... and certainly we needed a " modern war" poem in our live presentatation. However, this was not the only source of poems we canvassed - and since we needed to cover a whole range of aspects of "heroism" we could really only take one on this theme. And as you can imagine - quite a large number were submitted. Yours went on to the short list - and then on the short-short list... but was finally "pipped at the post by another piece dealing with war graves. But these were the graves of the dead of the D-day landings, and as we had aleeady one poem about the current Middle-East situation earmarked ("A poem for Neda") and nothing about WWII from the military aspect, we decided on the D-day poem.
As I am sure you are aware, there are auxiliary factors that can influence whether or not a poem is accepted by an editor (or in this case, programme-compiler) apart from poetic merit.
As far as the competition itself is concerned... I can say that those poems placed 6th-10th were very close in merit... all had a few minor flaws, but these were more than outbalanced by their merits.
I have to say I am a little doubtful about "the long arm of their law" ... perhaps it would work better on the page if you italicised the "their" - or if you are not a paying member of Allpoetry (and therefore have no access to italics on this site) you could put it in block capitals. (otheriwise it is all too easy for the eye to read it as the more familiar - and here rather out of place "long arm of THE law",
I did however greatly relish your word-play on the term "prisoners of war"... though I do feel the rhythm stumbles a little in that line (which is a little unfortunate in the final line of a poem - it is almost always advisable to end with as powerful and technically perfect a line as possible.
And while on the suject of rhythm,, would not line 2 work better as
"From the corner of my eye"?
incidentally I found very interesting the slide in meaning from predator
"I am the eyes of the eagle"
to the predator's victim
"The ears of the panther's prey".
(Though I am not sure how well "panther" fits the desert environment, but the alliteration well compensates for any ecological irregularity!
In general, as I said, a very powerful piece of writing. Once again, thank you for entering the competition.
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This is a very good poem ...
even though I don't see the relevance of it to the theme of Vera's contest. However, unlike the other poems I've come across thus far which also have no relevance to that theme, I am commenting on this one anyway.
Why? Because it's an excellent poem in its own right, regardless of any relevance to a particular theme. The ending lines are not only prophetic but particularly powerful.
Congratulations on a job well done.
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Thank you e O1 I I am especially so as I think you are unwell and so not much up to this task. I know you are a powerful poet as I have read some of your work but did not like to intrude. As for Vera- I guess I just thought of war poems.
B
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Stirring stuff indedd. Thanks for the entry - good luck
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this is amazing, there was a lot of wisdom in these words, it felt like it was written from more then a solider, at some points, it was really powerful, best of luck in the contest
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1. please put prompt and name in your AN
2. wow. i know 2 who have served in Iraq and this truely explains the experience. great imagery: i can almost actually experience what is going on. great job and good luck in my contest! thank you!
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Thank you, poet.
Title: A Soldier's Story
panther's prey,
This is a spirited poem with a message. It has key words for the early C21~ words such as 'Jihad'.
The last line, for those who have read your poem carefully, is salutary.
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Excellent write here
With such heartfelt scripture and truth to it all Bravo to you on this write
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