I gave it all,
Took nothing back.
Bent as far as I could go,
But you just couldn't pick up the slack.
I trusted you,
Like lovers do.
Something in your eyes,
Makes me forget.
And dream again,
Of what it should be like.
Author notes
In this poem I used the theme #4 (someone you wanted and risked everything for) and by the way I like harsh critisim as long as its constructive.
A contest entry
- 133rd Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended January 3, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Well honestly I do think this has some potential... but there is not really much to grab the reader's attention. You need to put more personality and imagery into this... Why did you trust him/her? What are they gone? Did you cry when you left? What did it feel like to lose them? What did you even risk?? These are the kinds of things that are missing. Please don't remove it, try editing it.
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