Articulated brilliantly,
a bitter disguise,
My inbox is full
with your punctuated lies.
Consonants and vowels,
perfectly placed,
Deceit in each line,
so evenly spaced.
Sincerities facade in
twelve point font,
Spinning words in a web
to get what you want.
X’s and O’s that
seem out of place,
Spell-checked and perfect
all honesty erased.
Seduction with grammar,
cheap and pathetic,
I try to delete you,
your voice so esthetic.
Recycle-bin escapee
risen from dead,
Quite the cordial letter
new lies never said.
Pretend I am immune
to piss on my screen,
Ignore the “I love you”
(the one you didn’t mean).
Vocabulary dancing
you take the lead,
Such eloquent deception
open wounds to bleed...
FORWARD, Baby, forward,
to the one who wears your ring,
‘Cause this shall be your last dance
as I DELETE your everything.
I wonder how you’ll explain,
what fancy things you’ll say,
When she can see whose IN-BOX
you’ve been playing in today.
{control/alt/delete}
Author notes
POY theme: Infidelity via world wide web
A contest entry
- Poem of the Year ( POY ) by Arkbear.
13750 points, ended January 4, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Peer Pressure (Vote) - 3 (last, if nobody shows interest) by Midnight-x-Rose.
450 points, ended April 2, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 66 of 66
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wow
I'm speechless
rudolf
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Stunning writing. And I can see why this has won. Absolutely breathtaking. Powerful, deep, and thought-provoking in the extreme. You were out of the box with this one.
Stunning piece
Wayne Leon
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Oh, Jamie, this one is incredible. I can't see why it didn't get the gold award for best poem of the Year. What a extraordanary piece of writing, crisp and perfect rythm.
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Wonderful! This rhyme doesn't seem forced in the slightest, great flow. This is a very, very clever write. I love the inclusion 'twelve point font', 'spell-check' and the like. Brillinat imagery, and your ending is very strong. Well-deserving of the silver (I would have said gold!)
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Punctuated me right in the mind
love it .. damn you're good
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I loved the power in this! You take control which is great to see! No longer the victim, instead the victor. Great write!
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This is one of the most wonderful poems i have ever read. Such beautiful rhythm and flow the words seem like they're made of ivory.
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O M G-sus
this is the greatest thing i have ever read.
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awesome
Few people talk about the details of online romance. You provide splendid imagery to this new medium of human interaction. This and all your work is lovely and unique.
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BRILLIANT!!!!! I am standing and applauding you at this moment!!! I have never ever understood how people can meet on line and chat and suddenly they are in love and destroying lives and existing relationships!! The secret to on-line affairs is that they are NOT real and so you can portray any person you wish to!!! Fall in love with me baby cause I am your knight in shining in armor!! HAAH!!! I live in a trailer park and get my money from social security OH! and I have a criminal record for taking advantage of a minor!!! You penned this brilliantly and as always I am jealous of anyone who can rhyme so perfectly!!! Very deserving of the shineys!!! And congrats on the POY.....
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Ha ha ha. We often see what we want to see. But, those of us who know that know better. I love how people think everyone is stupid but them. Ha ha ha. If you are bitter, then you were very silly. Online relationships are rarely real, as people are rarely real. Why would you doubt them less when they are hiding behind a veil? I will love online, but I will never be IN love online. That would be silly.
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Good work. The cadence was well suited to the type of poem. The curtness of each line and the rhyming scheme also contributed to the poem's overall sensibility.
The phrases were well turned, the language flowed.
The only stanza I found less than clear was the one that includes the words: "Ignore the I Love You,(the one you didn't mean)."
Overall though good job. -
wow, i was cracking smiles all the way till the end. i like the way it just flows so perfectly; yet another victim of technology* well done...
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This was really good. The words just flowed so well and the image that you created with your words was perfect.. This was a really good write.. And in the end I couldn't help but laugh.. such a great piece..
Peace to you,
Jetleena
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Absolutely Spectacular.
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Ingenius
This is by far one of the most unique poems I've read. My favorite part would have to be the end stanza and the very last line. Everyone should know that hell hath no fury as a women scorned.
Hope all is well,
Chloe
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Nice one... I don't have much to say, besides it hits close to home. My only suggestion would be replacing the Ctrl + Alt + Del for Alt + F4, since the first key sequence restarts the computer while the second one just closes the current window.
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An interesting write unrequited love radiating from behind the computer screen. Ain't technology grand.
Happy trails -
WOW
this write blew me away. i love it. i have experienced a pain similar to this, the lies and the internet and such. pain is pain, no matter how you make it look. great job.
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wow, this is great!
You've written a very tight
and extremely honest view
of "love" on the internet...
Love, Lane
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NICE....
Pretend I am immune
to piss on my screen,
Ignore the “I love you”
(the one you didn’t mean).
-
Woah. Daaang. Great write. This made me smile. Keep writing.
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great piece of writing....
going to go check my IN-BOX I could be lucky... any kinda mail will do me right now ...lol -
Oh, excellent! "Spell-checked and perfect, all honesty erased" was my favorite out of all these marvelous lines. As the old saying goes, "Paper doesn't care what's written on it." Congratulations on a Silver Trophy in what must have been a very competitive contest. (Wish I could "applaud" six times..but three will have to do.)
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Wow, what a write. In line with current world trends.
love
bin -
Very good, this had me laughing, but it is so true. so many people get mixed up in this. Thanks for the smile.
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hahahahaha!!! The ending is perfect and this made me smile inside!!! I just got a call from another girl tonight asking me how I know MY boyfriend lol
Keep pennin sister!!!!
peace and Love
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This is excellent. It is a pratically perfect portrayal of a forbidden cyber relationship and I love the ending.
Roses
Rakerman
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I love this.
X’s and O’s that
seem out of place,
Spell-checked and perfect
all honesty erased.
Seduction with grammar,
cheap and pathetic,
I try to delete you,
your voice so esthetic.
Recycle-bin escapee
risen from dead,
Quite the cordial letter
new lies never said.
So clever. The poem never missed a beat, and it stuck to the theme. I wish i could send this to my ex fiance. HA that'd be great. Good job!!
-B
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Wow, this is really creative! I bet a lot of people can relate to this piece too. I could actually picture you reading and deleting these messages as I read this. Great Write!! Good luck in the contest!!
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its a great piece! wonderfully written, well thought of and expressed.
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Wonderful.......
Will be getting a vote from me.
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Wow, this is the second computer inspired poem I have read today and I have to say that I am blown away. It is such a brilliant piece of artistry that I am speechless. Great job and good luck.
Hugs and Kisses,
Tiphanie*** -
Wonderfully written, well deserved Silver. Gotta find the gold, couldn't have been much better, this is top notch.
Think I'll read more if you don't object.
Buddy
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EXCELLENT!
This is wonderful! Good way with the expression in this one Jamie! THANKS for presenting a good poem like this!!
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I love it
Girl, it sounds like we've known the same kind of man!!!! -
That is really cool. I bet you really opened some guys eyes. Duh, sometimes the stupid things they do. They really think that they can pull one over on us huh? But how dumb do they really think that we are. This poem is so incredible tho, it is so creative!! You deserved the gold, but at least you got the silver!! wonderful!!
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TERRIFIC!!!
I really like this one, it is so deep and meaningful in this new world, I bet even the dumb ones would understand! -
This is so good! Well written. Something many can relate to I'm sure in this day and age of computer romance. Keep writing poet! ***Pam***
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Heh, heh...
Love that tricky ending, heh, heh.
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this was a great poem,you did a wonderful job with this piece.
thank you for entering and good luck in the contest -
Whoa!
Not what I was expecting! A well deserved winner of the Poem of the Year. I guess silver means that something edged you out of gold, but when a poem meets every possible expectation, I know it must have been a tie and a flip of the coin for the judge. Congratulations and there is little I can say, I think, that can improve upon what's already been said. So glad to have read this!
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bravo
This is very well done! Wonderfully concieved and brilliantly executed! The final stanza was perfect in every way... bravo... bravo... bravo..
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this is a fun read
One can see the offender squirming.
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WOW...Bitter yet...beautiful, Love it! Note to self...never EVER ask this girl out via email!! lol great write hun, love the wording and this last part really did it for me....
I wonder how you’ll explain,
what fancy things you’ll say,
When she can see whose IN-BOX
you’ve been playing in today.
BEAUITFUL!!!
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You have such a way with words, this is so creative! I love it!!
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This is an amazing piece of penning! So very well spoken, with an originality like none I have read in some time. Deceit served fresh, and thrown back beautifully. Powerful write... Truly poignant. Loved it!
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E-mail canbe a dangerous thing and some people use it very very foolishly. They ought to watch out. Some years ago I forwarded something to a friend of mine without thinking to take the e-mail address of of the sender. Then she started sending love letters to the guy I liked. What a jerk... but stupid me. If this is true... good for you!
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Good poem and you remain focused on your style, however, I noticed in the last two stanzas you shifted gears and altered your rhythm - it might be worth a minor chang to maintain the integrity of your flow. I hope you don't mind my critique otherwise It's a fine write.
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ah, punctuation, love, negation, and email angst all rolled into one . . .
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Congratulations on silver, enjoyed your poem...
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This is absolutely fabulous. The layout, format, font, everything just right. I loved it....as usual.
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Congratulations!
Congratulations for this shiny silver trophy of POY. It has a very special shine and after reading of your poem I see why it was so high rated. Wish you a lot of success with your poetry. Bravo!
~Sonja~
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Excellent
Congratulations on winning silver in the POY with this entry. It is truly deserving. A unique theme superbly written. You are a truly entertaining poet. I find your wording so entertaining and quite often unique. You have a flair that few others possess. You are always a joy to read. Keep up the good work and continued success.
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I read this out loud four times and I hear meter problems in the ninth stanza. Too many commas.
Clarity: 10.0
Structure: 9.0
(rhyme & meter)
(line breaks & structure)
Grammar: 10.0
Punctuation: 8.0
Use of Language: 10.0
Poetic Value: 10.0
Uniqueness: 10.0
Impact: 10.0
Theme: 10.0
Title: 10.0
Total: 97.0
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Oh wow! At first, I thought this was about one trying get back with the ex. I love the twist at the end!! Perfect! I've been the one to send e-mails to someone's wife as well as been the wife so I know both sides of this. It is a reality none of us should face. Thank you for this. It is wonderful!
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Yes
I love it. It's so fitting for the times, and a subject my partner and I have been known to debate. The theme is one I don't recall seeing...at least in quite this same manner.
Best of luck to you,
~J. -
what a creative piece, this is exceptional! I thoroughly enjoyed this, particularly the ending. Very well done!
Rory
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OUTSTANDING -- Excellent Writing
It definitely seems clear that "Honesty is the best policy" with YOU !
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Yes ~
I got goosebumps after reading this ~
.....this is definately not Frost or Hemmingway, as you have taken on the future and cornered your own market audience here ~
I can not say anymore per say the Rules ~
I hope you have another entry just as good ~
Good luck to you in the POY contest,
Bear ~
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Yes
Good luck. -
Yes~
bravo, bravo!
good luck -
Hmmmmm your tongue is very very sharp......Me like it alot tard.....
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What the hell? did you call me a tard? lol
Im gonna take that as a compliment.
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I liked this! Very well said. Great wording, nice rhyming, reads nicely. Very enjoyable...and so true..lol.
Best wishes in the contest.
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Hahaha...
Excellent, excellent! Oh man did you ever capture this poem. YOU RULE!!!!!
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