Surrounded by the type, I feel right,
Mounding pressure, everyday a fight!
Open to myself, and yet so close,
Keen to continue the neverending dose.
Independence-the birth; from there I went on.
Never gave it a think, my life I pawn.
Going down the alley: Going, going, gone!
Kept the evil with me, but prayed for a new dawn.
Illness, madness, emptiness grown.
Laid the seed, carelessly sown.
Lost my religion, bred my own fall:
Sniff, puff, gulp; and there ends it all.
Author notes
The birth of this piece was its format. I hope you can appreciate its full beauty.
Just remember, "SMOKING KILLS"
A contest entry
- GIVE US YOUR BURDEN! by Spiritual Nature.
1800 points, ended January 27, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [x] Lots of options [x] Something for everyone! Read! by Jade-.
450 points, ended January 28, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 171st Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended January 25, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What's Your Addiction by Haunted Doll.
825 points, ended January 30, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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very emotional and expressive
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This piece speaks on so many levels as to how we are often our own poison. We choose it and consume it with some feeling of satisfaction. We actually take joy in living in the evil, when all we truly want and need...is the Light of our Lord. Loved your poem! Blessings, Doris
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Well... it wasn't really bad ... in fact it had lots of emotion. But the rhyming was just a bit repetitive. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Great job!
Hey,
I really liked this poem. It's a very strong message made into a nice simple, shhortish poem. Simple yet lots of emotion. Which is what I wanted - emotion!I really liked the last line...I feel it sumed the whole thing up, and ended it really well. Overall, it's a great piece.
Thanks for entering my contest, and the best of luck!
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Cool acrostic, very well written and a great way to get the message across. Good luck in the contest
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nice write. It seems to hit close to home for a lot of people. Everyday someone feels they must take their own life but in reality it would only make it worse. You have captured such a beautiful picture of deprevity...i am glad i stopped to read this..thank you for sharing your beautiful write with us.
Stephanie
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ohkhay...
i'd like to quote"in the end everyone knows what was their purpose"
in this case i came to know about cool acronym this poem has..
best innovative piece i've seen till now!!
ofcourse the language is all cool...msg is still cooler..
but truly 'smoking kills' was a killer !!!
way to go...!
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thenks men!!
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v.good!
very well written! u've done a great job on this one... and nice try on an acrostic!!
keep it up!
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