Indecision
caught between reality
and something more...
Plastic poise
swept along
in a whirlpool of greed
maybe?
The perfect face
in troubled waters
wondering through life in a dream
Is it really feathers
and pretty souls
or something else
the eyes fail to see?
A contest entry
- Everything's Ducky by WolfHeart.
600 points, ended January 8, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
God, I'm beginning to get envious with a second reading of another superb poem. =)
I'm not sure if it was intentional, but falicy is really spelled "fallacy" (BTW, adore that word...it sounds so magical, even if its definition isn't that glamorous. I mean, it's so much better than the "lie").
Okay, and the real review...
The first stanza about indecision is very poignant--I usually think of indecision as "Do I want the original or cinnamon pretzel?", but you made indecision that much more...well, poetic, I think is the right (if repetitive) choice of word!
"whirlpool of greed"
Loved that phrasing, and the visual I got with it. And I have to say, I think I swim in those waters a bit too often! XD
The tentatively phrased maybe (with the question mark, which makes it that much more significant) was really nice too.
"The perfect face
in troubled waters"
I'll be honest here. I really loved that phrasing "the perfect face", but I have no idea what those two lines mean, at the risk of sounding like a complete moron.
I loved that you ended the poem with a question mark, and also how the last two lines are all in lowercase, as a contrast to the beginning, where 'indecision was in uppercase. Another awesome poem. -
Excellent
Great write I like "The perfect face
in troubled waters
wondering through life in a dream
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