There's a woman with no blanket
on a cold and homeless night.
I have nothing I can give her
'cause I'm in the same damn plight.
There's a window that is absent
on a door that isn't there.
And a junk yard dog is barking
telling all they best beware.
Can you see it, can you feel it,
can you grasp the fear they share?
Can you reach into the hearts of those
for whom you do not care?
Will you hand them a few dollars,
will you pass it with a scowl?
Will you catch a beat and ask your heart,
"what do I do now?"
Hurry hurry hurry,
cross the street before they ask.
You're just too busy busy,
gotta finish all those tasks.
Don't have the time, don't have the means,
don't want too feel ashamed.
Don't want to know what happens next,
if it's all the same.
Ive got a life, go get your own,
can't bother with the life you've sown.
This is goodbye, I've gotta go,
my heart screams, "what do I do now?"
A contest entry
- NOW WHAT? by Dalaney.
1000 points, ended January 6, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
do you think this is too dark?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I offer a response rather than a critical review~
"There's a window that is absent / on a door that isn't there." implies the depth of lack within lack. Your final line, "my heart screams, "what do I do now?" " is a real killer. I felt this a genunine expression of concern about the issue portrayed.
I don't think it is too dark. I think it is saying it like it is. It think it is not dark enough. I would like to see a heightened contrast between the busy "haves" and the POV "have not." Possibly a little more emphasis on the state of the POV character who cannot offer a blanket because s/he has not even one of his/her own, and what that feels like.
There is an additional element you may wish to weave into the poem. That is the confusion of the "haves" who want to help, yet have been "had" by enough swindlers that they feel overwhelmed by a feeling of responsibility to distinguish between the truly needy and the scammers. So that they often give "blindly" or turn away rather than having to intimately scrutinize the apparently needy person (in part, perhaps, because of not wanting to evoke within the needy a shame at finding oneself in such a state).
That final line is very powerful.
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This is really sad there are so many that struggle I often wonder if enough is being done people should not live like this
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this isvery poignant
A very real look at how as a society people tend to be so into their own lives and selfs that they neither
want to or are able to look at 'that person' on the streets and offers a hand..good job my friend..this was moving.
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Lovely Job
I love this one Dorothy rhymes nicely with a dillema
we all face when we are skint and all in the same boat (like now).very well written,reminds me of two of mine "The Waife" and"Little Barefoot girl" both skint.Bye Bye for now.
P.S. do you need any points let me know...George -
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Only if you have tons, I've used most of mine for contests.
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pretty god take on the prompt I can relate
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All those on the street, with no one to turn to. This is so true. I have often had nothing to offer when their hand was extended. The worst feeling in the world is to be in this position and feel the eyes of those who are scornful just because you are. You truly wrote a fantastic piece here.
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A very sad situation for both, one so many share.
Well Done
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So true
A many times as I have felt this I can only say that we all need reminding not to so this.
Brill
Terry
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other than a few grammatical errors "your" should be "you're" "to" should be "too" - this is a powerfully written poem, one that got to my heart and soul. Thank you so much for your entry. Love, Lane
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