When i first saw you walk down the hallway i thought of.....
But that's a different story this one is about how.....
When i saw you this morning in the gym laughing of all things, my heart stoped all i could think about all day was how great of a laugh you have.
Then when i left the gym i walked past you and you smilied at me my heart gave a lurch.
i swear you aren't good for my health.
A contest entry
- pre-writes - come one, come all - by ellipsist.
875 points, ended July 25, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do u think?
Comments
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lol...i love this
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intriguing... definitely intriguing... not certain if "lurch" is the word I would use, but it is one of the interesting things about this poem, I am not sure I like being teased at the beginning, either, but it is also one of the things that piques my interest... if you are going to use punctuation, a comma should appear in line three after the word gym and then again after the word laughing and then the word my should appear after a period or semicolon to indicate the beginning of a new sentence...
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