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Waxing Lyrical.

Softly, encompassing flicker
swaying gently in the melted wax
of emotions.
Orange hue with hub
of blackened taper fights for
supremacy,
as good verses evil, so also
heat controls coolness.
Molten images flood, as dripping
lava cascades the sides of slowly softened
structure,
twisting and shaping with dexterous
intent.
Sweet the fragrance, heightening senses,
fine tuning thoughts with a  comforting
glimmer,
illuminating all.

~~~

 

Author notes

POY
Subject; Hypnotic thoughts whilst candle watching

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Jim Berkheiser
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your last line lost the pop for me. I feel it would be better loosing "illuminating all". I believe your theme was more accurately, thoughts watching a candle (picky of me).

    Clarity: 10.0

    Structure: 10.0
    (rhyme & meter)
    (line breaks & structure)

    Grammar: 10.0

    Punctuation: 10.0

    Use of Language: 10.0

    Poetic Value: 10.0

    Uniqueness: 10.0

    Impact: 9.0

    Theme: 9.5

    Title: 10.0

    Total: 98.5


    • cutiepie gold member
      January 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Jim, yes I agree, final line does rather loose the impulse. After close of contest I will re-visit and edit


  • trista gold member
    January 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Yes

    I love it! I'm a candle watcher, actually have a couple lit as I sit here reading and judging entries, which may be partly why I felt such a connection to this. Your metaphors and descriptions are spot-on. I think this is just as strong as your prewrite entry, but with some different strengths and weaknesses to each. Will be very interesting to see how it scores in comparison...

    Good luck and a happy new year to you,
    ~J.


    • cutiepie gold member
      January 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Trista, I also love candles as they set the "mood" Happy New Year to you and yours

  • Jim Berkheiser
    January 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Yes

    Good luck.


  • Arkbear gold member
    January 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Yes ~

    I am not blown away, but I do think this entry has merit ~

     

    Was very reluctant to say Yes, but as Zach said, I am willing to see how it scores on my board ~

     

    Good luck cutie....I am hopping over to your PW as we speak,

     

    Bear ~


  • ZachP
    January 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Yes~

    Will it stand against your competitors?? probably not
    but I'm willing to give you a chance on it... nicely scribed, with an interesting theme

    Good luck

1 - 10 of 10