If I could stop it, I would
Yes, I'd end it like a pencil
Rub it out in civilizations
Loves blunt steely razors
Teaching me to forget
about why I remember
I should take the safe bet
Get out of the water,
alive just cramped
But once again it's
"Once upon a time"
through all your orations
And here I am
cursing the pictures
as if they captured
some answer.
A contest entry
- deep water by Nicolette.
5200 points, ended January 7, 2008, 30 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Cool Horus, where the heck have you been lately?
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On Uranus.
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Uranus is weird man, (LOL) but so is Colorado;
who would a planet after a crap hole anyway?
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I liked this, it was short but sweet and very somber. I enjoy work that feeling is put into and this captured that...wonderful write I applaude thee,
Stephanie
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I liked this piece, it made me think.
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And here I am cursing the pictures as if they captured some answer
That's spot on
David
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you have a way of cutting to the core of things like an exacto knife.
we asked for an intimate conversation, and this is about as intimate and real life as they come.
the final stanza hits like thrown rocks, and the poem in its entirety brings to mind Monty Python's "burn her, she's a witch!"
brutal, and as finely tuned as a Stradivarius
thanks for entering
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forgot these...
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interesting
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There's a sadness here that can be interpreted on both a personal and a societal level - a disillusion with love - especially in the line "But once again it's "Once upon a time". You've manged to keep my attention here - and not just because I can identify with the thoughts and sentiments expressed here!
I liked the last stanza - the question that hangs there. I was thinking of "brain pictures"... they sometimes stay with us more than the actuall pictures. A good take on the contest theme and a very thought-provoking one... bittersweet.
Thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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o
a sadness weeps from these words
a thick drop that reaks of heartache
Burn the pictures darling
they'll serve no good
but torture
(which is all well for the sadist
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Interseting......
"Teaching me to forget
about why I remember"- I loved this line, nice write
Happy New year to you......
-Layne
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hmmmm
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