Silently withering hope floats,
as a unique teardrop falls.
Torn sails flutter in the breeze,
another brick slipped in the wall.
A block for every word of hate,
ascending towers so very high.
Ignoring screams of protest,
as clouds of ignorance drift by.
Ill sighted stand on podiums,
mixing large vats of mortar.
Hoping to sink the growing fleet,
now floating upon cool waters.
Time to let old souls pass by,
that are corrupted by the mold.
The legacy thats handed down,
turning silver to tainted gold.
The whispering grows stronger,
the solitary alone no more.
The foundations begin to crumble,
reformed waves lap the shore.
Young spirits now soar anew,
born free from misconceptions.
A chance to learn and grow,
changing of past perceptions.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Year ( POY ) by Arkbear.
13750 points, ended January 4, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Invite Only Contest [For Nighttime Angel's Favorites Only] by Nighttime angel.
1410 points, ended March 29, 2008, 68 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I enjoyed reading this very much. I particularly like the last 2 stanzas very much. really the last 2 lines of the last stanza. your title is perfect for your poem.. great job.
thank you for entering & good luck
kat
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Love this!!!
Great descriptive narrative, metaphor & rhythm...
It flows beautifully, allowing the reader to digest and ponder the words.
Well done!!!
Another cracking read...
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I read every poem twice before checking the stated theme. I wasn't clear as to your intent until I read your theme. Your second stanza is divided into two sentences and neither is a sentence. The lack of clarity affected the impact of this piece for me. I took just one point off for this 1/2 in clarity and 1/2 in impact. Loved your title.
Clarity: 9.5
Structure: 10.0
(rhyme & meter)
(line breaks & structure)
Grammar: 8.0
Punctuation: 8.0
Use of Language: 10.0
Poetic Value: 10.0
Uniqueness: 10.0
Impact: 9.5
Theme: 10.0
Title: 10.0
Total: 95.0
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Yes
Nicely done, and so true...
I'm a bit concerned how this will score in a couple of areas, but we'll see. It's got some wonderful and inventive lines, very enjoyable to read.
Good luck to you, and best wishes for a happy new year to you and yours,
~J. -
Yes
Good luck. -
Yes ~
Some really interseting lines you have penned here ~
I can not elaborate...per say the Rules,
....good luck to you Hun,
Bear ~
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Yes~
Very nice
Good luck -
me likie
i have always strived to do such things but to change the preconceptions of others is hopeless, but i love your poem, good write
i hope others will read and apply to their every day lives
PEACE&WAR
The -poodle boy-
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Wonderful writing my friend and good luck.
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Ohhh... I love this!! It's so smooth and flows with such grace!!
I read a lot into this about my own life... and I'm sure many people could do the same.. it has something for everyone!
Wonderful hun!!
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Wonderful wording! Great images and flow.
I enjoyed this. And you are so right - just one voice can change the world.
Best wishes in the contest.
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Many good lines in this and the theme is well chosen. The flow is smooth and each lines leads to the next.
as I started out reading this, I could not help but think of the Pink Floyd song "another brick in the wall". I guess just the reference od another brick slips.
I wish you much luck in this contest.
Becky
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Excellent Dear Awesome as all ways Good luck
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Very interesting theme you choose for this poem. The truth is that you are right. At the right time and place a lone voice can do a miracle. Like you did with your rhyme.
~Sonja~
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