ice crystals floating.
a thousand freezing, glistening shards
descend.
and if i could, i would count them all.
we walked, hand in hand.
footsteps behind us; in our past.
i'll be by your side wherever you go.
.pinky.promises.
but i couldn't control.
what happened.
you are
fragile.
cold.
and still.
like the tallest
deadest.
trees
in my back yard.
i touch your hand,
..and reality hits.
harder.
than any snowstorm.
not even the heat in my tears
can make you alive.
you're gone.
and,
i can't go this time.
Author notes
i miss my grandma. i keep thinking about her off and on. winter sucks. the end.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I like how this is versatile. While I was reading this, I was trying to figure out exactly who you were talking about--it could apply to a lot of people...really anyone who is absent from someone's life. That makes the reader all that more able to relate. That's awesome.
I also think its grea that you continued the wintery imagery throughout the entire piece. Holding onto one image and one metaphor can be difficult, but you were able to do it.
The form of it is also nice. I like how it transforms, but it keeps flowing.
I'm glad you entered a new poem...great work Laura =)
~blessings~
~rora
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very good
"i miss my grandma....."
what an amazing work
you have essentially captured the true spirit of christmas
family
superb for such a short verse
i like the format
"ice crystals floating"
a brilliant line
every snowflake is different
imagine how many different confiurations, shapes, etc, since the first
so
your verse depicts the uniqueness of "grandma'
not just yours
but granmas everywhere
a wonderful read
a poem written from your heart
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This is about a very sad, deep loss, but you added so much with the images .
" we walked, hand in hand.
footsteps behind us; in our past.
i'll be by your side wherever you go.
.pinky.promises."
This is so touching, makes one's heart sad.
But it is sad and beautiful because there is a lot of love in the piece.
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So sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents when I was in my 30's. The holidays are always bittersweet.
I love the phrase "pinky promises." It has a special meaning for me and someone I am very close to. I like the line about the heat in your tears. The ending is quite profound and deeper than it appears at the first read.
Some lovely memories here. Let those be your strength during this time and always.
Cris
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Captivating
This powerful work extends us into uncontrolled situation where commitment to one another is effected by external forces. Death separates those entwined to share love and life. Forlorn by separation, cold reality is a force that makes life move forward, to accept this lot in life.
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i have a sister who is dealing with that, over her daughter. the first holiday afeter a loved one dies, is always hard
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At first I didn't understand the strange punctuation but I understand now. I love so many lines of this, it's actually truly beautiful. I know it's hard to believe most people when they say it, but I do know how this is. It's almost like you can't have Christmas without them, especially if they left around this time. It's hard, and the pain never really leaves but after time it does ease. It's been a year for me. It was difficult, but it was also a time to really remember him. The good times. Silly things he did that could only ever make me smile in the past but now bring tears. I know they won't always be sad ones though.
Sorry for rambling. But I hope you understand where I'm coming from.
Amazing write.
You're Grandma would be proud I believe.
♥Bandaid.
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