The cracks in my cheeks
are just beds where my tears,
they used to flow.
My heart is just an empty box,
darkness where my spirit
used to glow.
Listen as my lips blow
whispers into your rain
and oceans of rips tow
me to the underplane.
~~~
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
wow this is really deep,
i like it alot,
the flow of it,
it lets your imagination flow free with it,
great work here,
love Elektra xxx
-
-
thank you for your comment. i checked out your page some great pics and beautiful poetry.
love V.
-
-
yeah i agree
cut the "they" out of the first stanza. -
It IS a bit short, and doesn't seem to lead me anywhere. I'm sorry, that's the best way I can describe it. I really like the cracks likened to river beds for tears. That's great imagery and metaphor.
-
hmmmm
I am looking for more here. You are on a good flow, I would like to see more. In your first verse I see no need for "they" You have more powerful work here I have seen some.
-
-
Thanks for the comment. I like to leave people wanting more, sorry if you don't like that but it's all good. Besides this is not a story it is a statement. the need for the word 'they' only comes from the fact that I am a lyric writer and it is there for the use of syllable to maintain a certain flow in my head, but you are right, poetically it doesn't belong and i did actually think before i put it in. Thanks for your feed back it was very helpful.
Love V.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
