You are only the figment of my imagination,
The deciduous tree that dies every autumn,
Abandoning me in my loneliest hour.
I dreamt you into being,
Feeling foolish all the while,
But infatuated with you,
Not seeing the wretched hubris that
Brewed inside you.
Around you I was speechless,
Your loquaciousness entranced me.
You were the paradigm for perfection.
The sanguinity you gave me has vanished,
I am left only with soliloquies.
You are only the figment of my imagination.
A contest entry
- Just write for you by zochit2me.
800 points, ended January 3, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
be honest.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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i like this.
it read very easy for me and flowed nicley
thank you for sharing.
fire
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I will come back to review again but feel like this needs some editing. The words used seem forced into place like something inside of you is trying to impress the reader with your use of language. The poem in it's entirety is good and with some editing it could be better.
I will come back before closing to look and see if you edited.
Becky
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I edited it a little but those are the words that came out, I can't help it. I don't write my poems, they write me.
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Your poem dear, your call.
But honestly, I write my poems and they never control where they go...
the memories bring them into being and my hand guides them to the parchment upon which they are written. Language is a wonderful thing and your use of it here is great. But people do not want to look words up when reading a poem, they want to feel it...
and while I felt this, and feel like my vocabulary is good, some of these i looked up to understand the poem completely.
Again, it IS YOUR poem, but my contest.
I thank you for taking the time to enter.
Blessings to you
Becky
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The first line really holds your interest.
The second line has great imagery. I kept reading just to see how you'd expand on it.
I feel like you're using a thesaurus while you're writing this, like you're trying to sound smarter than you are. You can get the same point across without using such big words.
Other than that, I really like the idea of the poem and I think that you got it across really well. Thanks for sharing and hope I helped.
-mand
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