Sweet sugar sprinkled on a rose petal
Falling gently and sweetly before me
As my beating heart begins to settle
Passionate desire you can’t see
Floral beauty I vision in my dreams
These personal wishes that some how seems
To be part of this imagination
That becomes a permanent fixation
Author notes
A Cotillion - An elaborate ballroom dance with frequent changes of partner ( dedicated to two partners) OneSugar and roses petals desires. Hope U enjoy it i went back in forward between the two.
A Rispetto, an Italian form of poetry, is a complete poem of two rhyme quatrains with strict meter.
The meter is usually iambic tetrameter with a rhyme scheme of abab ccdd. A Heroic Rispetto is
written in Iambic pentameter, usually featuring the same rhyme scheme.
A contest entry
- Rhythms of Rispetto by Pamela A Lamppa.
1750 points, ended January 12, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I enjoy the imagery here. "Sweet sugar sprinkled on a rose petal", a wonderful description of a desired one.
I would think that the Cotillion was a success.
Nicely written.
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very nicely put. thought it deserved a shiney. Well you are well educated fella with regards to the different types of poetry. good scheme and flow.
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Thank u so much. It was a nice feel to it.
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This is soft and sensual. A wonderful cotillion and your partners are beautifully personified in each line. Form though - line 6 is one syllable short.
These personal wishes that it seems
maybe, A personal wish that now somehow seems
Just a thought.
Nature is downplayed a bit here and I am thinking the names of your partners perhaps...
I love the softness of this write. We will be back again to review before final judging so please feel free to tweak.
~Pamela
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Thank U. I worked it out and you are so right with the down play of nature. Wanted to show similarities but not too dominate in one way or another. Thanks for your thoughts.
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Beautiful thoughts, voice, and movement to this tender dedication. I adore the imagery used in sugar and petals; very apt for the ballroom dance scene.
As far as theme, you have written wonderfully to prompt. But the form is off...
Rispetto being a strict meter form requiring either 8 or 10 syllable count per line. The lines here range from 7 syllables to 11 syllables. Blue
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OK Blue. I want to say, Thank u, Thank U, Thank U. 1st for the great comment than for catching the error in the syllable count. I changed it to 10 per. I would be honored if you see if my revision took away or did I correct the meter adequately. Again, thank you for your honest critique ~ Mykeee
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Wonderful idea you chose! This was very sweet and I see they both enjoyed it. Keep Writing!
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Thanks so much. It was fun and I owed these ladies something nice. Wanted to be creative and sweet. Glad it worked
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Absolutely Beautiful
I'm sure sugar will approve when I say this is Deliciously Hot Dance
Great imagery.
ephiphany♥
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This is just beautiful
A flirtatious dance
love the feel to this, so gentle
Just brings pictures to my mind of ballgowns, and shy giggling, as partners swap in a contiuous dance, softly gliding across the floor.
Captivating.
Thank you for this swish
Luv ~sweetness~
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steal me y dont you
thanks gorgeous this didnt
deserve me
delivered petals
*ros*
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A Cotillion Yes
This such a very beautiful write, I just know Onesugar and Rose petal desires will love this poem...
The words are so enchanting..........Mom
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