2007

.She Entered The New Year In Fear.

To be honest
I wasn't sure I would make it through this year
I wasn't sure I wanted to...
During two points during this year
I wanted nothing more than to die
You can call me emo if you want
But it was never like that
So you could say I should be thankful
Just for making it through
For surviving

Watch her walk down the stairs
Nails painted black
Long black hair

The first point
I wanted to die out of pure exhaustion
I had stopped sleeping
I spent all my time worrying about him
Looking after him
Helping him
That I forgot to live
I wasn't sad or depressed
I was just out of energy
I didn't have enough in me to keep living
But I did...
Because they needed me to

[Gained new friends, Lost close ones,
Reunited with old ones,
Forced to be with some...]

Somehow during this year I stepped out of the lines
Out of the boundary's my friendships were in
I became friends with two different people
Who used to be my friends
And with that I became friends with their friends
I walked away from the popular people
To hang out with the nerds and outcasts
To people who showed me a different way of life
But saying that
I was still friends with the people I walked away from

Watch her walk across the park
No nail polish
Short golden hair

While my friendships were changing
So was my family
My mothers boyfriend moved in
As well as my grandmother
And then it happened...
A kidney transplant
That gave my family hope
Except me...it made me lose myself
I had spent so much time worrying
And then it was over
I didn't know what to do...

[Confusion entered my body
Because suddenly I was lost
Everyone was expecting me to grow up
I tried so hard to
But it killed me inside...
I'm just a kid]

After so many hospital trips for my brother
Suddenly it was my turn
I had appendicitis...with complications
It was the hardest week I've ever had to live through
But I did make it through
How?...I don't know
But I did
This was my second point
When I was in hospital
I didn't want to live at all
I wanted the pain to stop
I wanted to go home
But I lived...
I was forced to

Everyone Changes
And throughout I changed so much
As the circumstances around me changed
It wasn't just my looks that changed
My outlook on life, my personality
The way I live...
This was my year of learning

[Concerts, gigs, New music,
New friends, New look,
First kisses, last hugs
Throughout the bad...
There was good]

When I look back on this year
So many things dont feel real
I wonder how I lived through it
How I didn't laugh at something
A lot of the time
I wonder how I healed from all of it
Because I did...somehow

Watch her walk up the stairs
Nails painted different shades of purple
Short black and purple hair

Growing up is a natural part of life
This year I tried to
Not because I wanted to, but because it was expected
But I couldn't
I lived a lot of this year in fear
Fear of what the future will bring
But you can't control the future
Good things happen...as well as the bad
You just have to accept that
You just have to live in the moment

.Shes Entering The New Year In Hope.