Somewhere among the sleepy bamboos,
we walked towards a poem. Nightfall and
its furtive shadows trailed across our path.
I cannot recall what you said; only your
sentences carried the syllables of fading
footsteps - a call for flowerless funerals
We denied the slow overture of rain; the
leaves, their beautiful mortality; anything
elemental, anything that speaks simplicity
because what we have is a wreckage of
small suns tangled in a labyrinth of roots.
What has been forgotten and unspoken was
carved in abandoned synagogues; echoed
in wet maps where its streets siphons into
a moonlight; into a wasteland of words.
We slept inside a poem, where
there is no tomorrow, only the
harsh complexities of eternity.
RMBA 12/30/2007
In a list
- Possibilities for AP Book 2 • next in list
- Beautiful Words by Beautiful People I Know • next in list
A contest entry
- deep water by Nicolette.
5200 points, ended January 7, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Feelings last, while other things may change...things we wish become distant and remote, physical closeness yet far apart; so many contrasts here and so much complexity...things that are a part of our lives...PK
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I miss reading your poetry...I miss you dear Rhona, hope you come back and stay little longer than a comment, stay long enough to post tons of poems!
Let your words dance upon the pages again, please
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Just revisitng this excellent poem of yours.
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"because what we have is a wreckage of
small suns tangled in a labyrinth of roots.
What has been forgotten and unspoken was"
Ahh, this piece is just beautiful. Bravo. Mabuhay!!
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wow. sooo nice po..
nanosebleed ako hehehe
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"We denied the slow overture of rain; the
leaves, their beautiful mortality; anything
elemental, anything that speaks simplicity"
Such elegance, such definition of beauty unrestrained. Glorious penning, Rhona.Hurry back, Sweetie. We need your voice or the harmony's diminished.
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fantastic
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You are always into the poems never on the edge...this thought is apart of your poem, but I felt like saying it here.
Now your poem left me a sad feeling of fading lines, those we can't keep in mind, but still remember the pages and the ring marks upon them...
Mari
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Oh yes, the deep water contest, I do remember it This poem is beautiful... possiblities for book 2? This SHOULD be in Book 2 I (surprisingly) have a poem in the possibilities column, so I hope to be somewhere next to a poem of yours
Such exquizite language, such excellent use of vocabulary. And just love the title- really drew me in.
"We denied the slow overture of rain; the
leaves, their beautiful mortality; anything
elemental, anything that speaks simplicity"
The long lines work very wlel here, the structure kinda reminded me of a villanelle's I just love the "speaking simplicity" part. Beautiful alliteration all over the poem. Beautiful, Rhona! Beautiful!
- namita
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I am in love with your words.
may I include this one?
Elizabeth
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Reminds me of other poems, but this one is unique.
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thanks for dropping by
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Astig ka talaga kabayan! Excellent!
I love the each step by the words executed as it travels into a road soul searched.
Salamat
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i don't like this one as much as your other poems...this one feels cold, impersonal.
even the text lends that impression.
yet, i realize, by looking at its overall impact, this may just very well be what you were aiming for.
like Nicky said, very deep stuff.
and if i put this into context of everything else i know about you, i can only offer one of these:
thanks for entering
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Thank you Sir. At least I got three clappy men from you even if you didn't like this
Hugs back...
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you misunderstand, Miss...
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gotcha
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This poem fits the contest theme so very well.... this is the "deep water" of a relationship, the "harsh complexities"... of the here and the now, but yes, also of eternity. A beautiful poem that is not only powerful in its emotional impact but also in its poetic quality and use of poetic devices. I liked the sense of movement, yet somehow there is something unmoving here too...
This one spoke to me on a very personal level... simply beautiful poetry. Thank you so much for this entry, Rhona... this is great work!
~ Nicolette
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What I take from the poem is two people, who lived in a limbo, the poem, as contrast from something more concrete, more real...what's there may be real, but it's not permanent, not lasting...it was built within the dream but not to last...too bad, because the fantasy sounds like a nice one. Well that's what I read into the poem anyway.
And of course, I'm way off, I always am because I put my own thoughts to your words and apply them to my experiences. Which to be honest, is what most readers want to do. Write about things they can't identify with and they won't read...I wonder why I know that?
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this is just beautiful- some lovely
language drifted together like- flowerless funerals- create a great alliteration and a very vivid image
i love the small suns too-
for some reason with each read i read complexity rather than ties.. just a thought-
beautiful poem
m
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