Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Desert Kisses

These desert kisses parched and poisoned
Carving out bold red ravines
Evaporate the gentle moisture,
Starving out my loves extremes.
Birds of prey circle sky bound
To feed upon my broken heart
To pick bleached bones and muddy sinew
And rip this hope of mine apart.


A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • StroonsGreen
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    random, but i love the word "sinew'

    So much meaning and depth here! I interpreted this as someone who has broken the narrators heart, and now she just wanders as a lost woman in the barren unfertile land of unpromising lovers. And then the bottom feeders come out to take advantage of the weak, see what they find, but in the process of growing fat with your siezed affection they break you even more by showing you theyll never come close to what the other person was...who is imperfect himself. So what pool of water is there to be found, anywhere.


  • storiesuntold gold member
    January 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent write

    Written with great feelings and keep up the good work


  • adsaige
    January 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Judged

    I like the imagery that is presented in this piece. There is something about it that speaks to me. The background captures the title well. Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • Pete Greenslade gold member
    January 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    images of the desert are superb..and parched kisses xx well done


  • Poetry and I Inc
    January 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm, I really do love the first line. It really speaks out the most in this piece. Line four reads a bit awkward to me with the "starving out" concept, maybe something along the lines of simply: "starving my love's extremes"? In this case love would be possessive so an 's is needed. And the fifth line would read better if the imagery were heightened a bit more. Maybe: "Scavengers". That word would certainly add to the raw effect since the birds in this case are showing no mercy. These are of course just my suggestions and opinions. I still think you did a good job.

    Keep penning dear~

    ~The Inc."


  • Abby In Chains. silver member
    December 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you have some great imagery here slink. greattt imagery. i could just see it as i read it.

    im sure this deserves gold.

    how are you? its been too long! hope yor holiday was fun.

    happy new years!

    and again great job.

    Abby

1 - 6 of 6