Ghost

Moving through life
A shadow of my former self
Incomprehensible to friends
The depths of pain I buried
Into my soul and heart
As they are ripped from
This body as I please
Deep inside the memories come

Rising unbidden from the
Shallow depths of secrecy
Obscuring who I was
And all I never will become
Cries escape an aching throat
But there is no one to listen
Unexpected I stand still
I must let them in to rid my fear

Nights spent in solitude
Not alive yet not dead
Talking to myself to
Remember what once was
Because I can’t stand
to suffer all the pain
Filling me with regret
I know I'll never speak
To the one who hurt me

Left me dead inside
Slaughtering emotions
My body and my mind
Like a wilting flower
Torn away from a rebirth
No one will ever know
The secrets I discovered

But they lurk in the back of my mind
Will they ever dissipate?
Once I thought I'd get over it
Thoughts are filtered by the hate
I understand they’re all diseased
Yet I can’t keep them away
When they try to leave
I beg them not to

But I'll kill them before I trust
And I know I can’t change it
All my cries will fall on deaf ears
Effort will be in vain
So I struggle to keep the act up
With a smile upon my face
Time will come and I’ll grow old
But it will never change

Why can’t I get over it?
I know I'm drifting too far
Demons come to capture me
Still I can't cry when I am sad
And my eyes fill with wasted tears
As I stare myself down the
Mirror crashing into eternity
But it never makes a sound

I can’t make myself heard
And so I'm falling into the
Darkness reeling about me
I relent with nothing else to do
Fervently wishing I could
have another chance
Once I work it through
I’ll be free, but no one else can

Scrutinizing my existance
People make me want to fade
Been through so much already
I can stand and I can think
They don’t believe me
I think they want a demonstration
A cry of rage rips through me
Since my fall from grace

I float on an endless golden sea
rising and falling
Clouds roil across the sky
Deep, black and squalling
They rise to descend on my soul yet again
Erasing all madness, the sign of my sin

And as I fade away from
Consciousness I know
None of it was my fault
Just the way that life goes
Held my head high
but never high enough
Exhausted tears sink into the sea
I was never that tough

I’d saved them for the longest time,
no one was necessary
In life, no love, no strength for me to carry
This heart could never do what I told it
Giving so much of myself led only to this

Everything for nothing,
Nothing for me
Lonely emptiness receives my last breath
I've run out of love
But no one has loved me back
Their lies have consumed me
I become the gost of me