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Chasing the Dragon

 

 

                 I dehydrated my soul worrying over you
                    and dry heaved all of your rejections;
                 I chewed my tongue to choke on your name
                    & my eyes bled dry to drown the word "why",
                 I ground my teeth flat biting back at your betrayal
                    & I dined on ash and dirt to bury your taste;
                 In between the sweet metallic cracks of my heart
                    are the engravings of your destruction,
                 and the blasphemous symbols naming you
                    that these withered lips are unable to utter.

 

 







 

Author notes

Interpretations will vary but...
the original intention of this poem was about drugs, abuse, withdrawal, and the physical damage done to my heart muscle itself from the years of abuse...
yet there is ambiguity, and love is a destructive addiction to the heart sometimes as well.

_______________________________________________



A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 73 of 73

  • darksyren
    January 29

    Edit | Reply

    sounds metialic

    potential metal lyrics- very nice.

    In between the sweet metallic cracks of my heart

    this line swept me away.

    new to the forum, and exploring everyones work, would love some feedback, check out my page if you fancy.

    ps- you seem VERY intresting

  • Xianaria silver member
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering~
    Nicely written, the emotions wrapped up in love can be just as those with any addiction.
    Best wishes~
    Tim


  • storiesuntold
    July 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    What a write here

    In reading it at first I thought you were speaking of a lost love and the mind busting heartbreak that often comes with it .You say is about the drugs alone and all it has done to your body . I see both for often to kill the pain of one another is used so therefore its almost like they walk hand in hand


  • Night Terrors
    July 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh that was very very good I loved it

  • gypsyfan
    July 4, 2008
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    Wow, I'm not easily impressed especially with this form, but....wow, thanks for the inspiration.


  • beautifully.broken silver member
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow you certainly have a unique way of putting things. i for one love to see when someone takes a cliche idea and you just twist words to make it your own. good job on that. i love your emotion here too. well thank for your entry
    good luck

  • Pandorea
    June 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is sad, yet beautifully written.

    thanks for entering.

  • Simply Simple
    June 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing!!!

    Wow... So emotional and open to interpretation.

    Perfectly penned.

  • unanswered
    May 29, 2008

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    This is a really good write. You have captured raw emotion and the infliction of an addict. I truely enjoyed this. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • XXx.A.N.G.E.L.xXx
    May 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow....I love it....this is very good it just shows how hard it can be to forget someone...well written, thank you for entring
    ~*~An Unwritten Truth~*~


  • BlackBloodyRose silver member
    May 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    very

    very very strong i lke the whole poem. not just one part. good work

  • MysticalRayne gold member
    May 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I wouldn't have know that was what it was about ~ I have heard the saying before about chasing the dragon, that is what gave me the clue, I love you metaphoric use in this piece.


  • XXCrimsonRaineXX
    April 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was an amazing write. I loved the flow and the truth behind this poem. My favorite lines were
    I ground my teeth flat biting back at your betrayal
    & I dined on ash and dirt to bury your taste.
    In between the sweet metallic cracks of my heart
    are the engravings of your destruction,
    Excellent write, and good luck in my contest.

    XXCrimsonRaineXX

  • Fourthaxis
    April 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Stunning in its clarity of acute betrayal! Bravo!

  • buddhax
    April 17, 2008
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    dark and creative with great visionary...just the way i like them

  • delightfulmess
    April 16, 2008

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    Oh my this has some serious depth.

    "I ground my teeth flat biting back at your betrayal".. Great emotional imagery here.

    Stumbles L@@king at the pretty shiney...
    Congrats...


    Delila


  • GypsyEyes
    April 12, 2008

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    the first line made my day! i love the imagery in this piece! great job! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox

  • Scandalous
    April 11, 2008

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    chasing the dragon. somehow I never got the hang of it, but have seen the same transformations after the narcotics and drugs kick in, felt them wallow in their sadness, with the heat on high, shivering in my arms, losing themselves. it is so hard on the soul.

    so hard to walk away as a friend or a lover.
    i know the feeling. and I applaud you more, for putting the words down, even though your feet is not there yet.

  • awake
    April 7, 2008
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    chasing the dragon


  • chasingtheday gold member
    March 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i can relate to this as my whole life has been fired with drink and drugs, it is the everyday existence for me, i have many poems on this topic. a good poem though personally i would have liked it to have been longer and explored more the theme.


  • cherche -d -ame
    March 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oops...sorry for not reading author notes as well at first------------but am pleased that I sort of tipped on the possibilties [including the real one]
    regards,
    reenie

  • cherche -d -ame
    March 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    In between the sweet metallic cracks of my heart
    are the engravings of your destruction,
    and the blasphemous symbols naming you
    that these withered lips are unable to utter.
    --------------------------
    congrats on the silver. This is quite a purging of feelings inflicted by someone [assuming it would be in a partner relationship-but could apply to a friendship or any other that one would think one could put their trust in [even stretching it now-could apply to disgust and disillusionment in self]

    I read this a couple of times....and the lines copied and pasted are great, yet there seems to be something maybe missing that kept me stumbling over the words, especially the last two lines.
    wondering if maybe:
    "and the blasphemous symbols naming you
    [words], that these withered lips are unable to utter"
    might not sound better, or maybe complete the sentence a bit more? Please know this is not meant as a harsh critique, just a personal opinion as I was having a hard time with interpretating the other way. But then again, English is not my mother language, so it could very well just be me. Otherwise, excellent write, and there is no doubt that you are quite "word-savvy"[linguistically intelligent]
    regards,
    reenie



  • PastelMoons gold member
    March 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Surprised Jaw dropingly awesome! (I may have just made up the word dropingly) lol
    I know people say this all the time(well maybe not dropingly) but I really really mean it!
    This is right up there with

    the best poems I have ever read.
    I don't know what else I could
    add that would do justice to
    this well crafted piece.
    Congrats on the silver!!
    ~Pastel


    • Grimoire
      March 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you... the ones written from experience, that speak of truths, are always the most potent. I spent the last 20 years as a professional musician (lead guitarist), trying to destroy everything human about myself. This was just another testament to that fact... Glad you enjoyed it.

      until immolation,
      Grimoire

  • just mercedes gold member
    March 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very powerful, very potent poem. I know the name, and the feeling, applaud your ability to put words to the /ash and dirt/. The layers work so well, love seen as another addiction over which we are powerless, watching in horror and disgust as it claims more of us. /sweet metallic cracks/ caused a physical recognition in me. Well done.


  • Blooming Poet
    March 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I know the feelings displayed here ohh too well. The thought of dehdrating your soul, is a powerful methapor. This part stood out:
    I chewed my tongue to choke on your name
    & my eyes bled dry to drown the word "why",

  • ApollosMuse
    March 13, 2008
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    wow....i feel very paled next to you...i am very impressed and flattered you commented on mine!!!

  • JackFellDown
    March 12, 2008

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    Damn

    Since you commented on mine and gave me such a good judgment, I felt the need to see just how expertly you wrote. Frankly, I am impressed, This is very well written, and some of the imagery is just Sick. This is very nice. ~peace

  • takemypainaway
    March 11, 2008
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    very emotional great write

    **KAT

  • motel silver member
    March 11, 2008
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    what an emotionally charged poem ... so much said and so much more left unsaid. vibrant imagery.


  • AlexGray
    March 10, 2008
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    Intense

    I rather like it, alot very potent imagery


  • Elavina
    March 9, 2008

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    Whoa

    this is insane good. intense raw powerful. strict imagry on the mind and lasting efects. Well done you are an amazing poet!


  • teardrop gold member
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent write! LOVE your metaphors! Your imagery kept this readers interested from beginning to end.
    Defiantely worth the trophy.

    Thank you for commenting on my poem "Frind O' Heart"

    TD


  • melphleg gold member
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    good metaphor for hurt and betrayal. Wonderful consistent imagery here. This is very descriptive and nicely done. It is no wonder that it won a silver.

  • feigned lucidity
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    Amazing piece! very powerful...


  • DawnBaby
    March 7, 2008

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    Excellent!

    I enjoyed this piece very much, the imagery is super throughout the poem and the message is clear. Well deserved Silver!


  • aboomer silver member
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, wow, wow....I'm sure I can't say anything that hasn't already been said....I love this!
    Congrats on the well-deserved Silver!
    best wishes


  • ScarletO gold member
    February 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your imagery in this poem is superb and deeply heartfelt. I see you have a well deserved silver trophy as well. Congratulations.


  • Kiryuuofloveandhate
    February 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like it alot I really enjoyed how you were talking about being dry with love even if it was for the prompt of the other contest nice work Good Luck!!!!
  • Gott ist tot
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful imagery, I liked the 'ash and dirt' image. I thought it was about love, but drug dependency works with the topic too. Congrats on the silver.
    Thanks for your comment.


  • Perception
    February 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A well deserved silver trophy i may say. Wow this poem is amazingly written. I love how you used your words i this one. Your descriptions are amazingly wonderful, and the images... are... brutal.

    What emotion your words describe. I can really feel it throughout this poem.

    Wonderfully written. ~

  • bones7
    January 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    great poem
    Very nicely worded.


  • Mojave Moon
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem, cathces your attention with your use of words, love the way you say things like "dehydrated my soul" ... good way to put someone stealing your life and energy,
    loved this work congrats on the silver


  • Barely Breathing gold member
    January 18, 2008

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    This is such an amazing poem. You have done so well here with brilliant use of imagery. Congratulations on winning the silver trophy, it is really well deserved.
  • wizbang99
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I can relate

    I generally hate contest poems but this is good,very good. Only someone who has been there knows what the f*ck your talking about......

    . Rewarded 4


  • MyMudPies
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is sadly beautiful and it draws deep emotion. I really liked this write, thank you for sharing it with all of us here on AP. Great job and although the pic startled me at first I like it...Again good write,
    Stephanie

    . Rewarded 4


  • georgie
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    omgs... silver? i woulda definitely given you gold for this... this is one of the most intense pieces i have ever read. brilliant!
    hugs,
    georgie,
    xxx
    ps. hope you dont mind me adding you as a fave im just enjoying your work so much

  • harlequin shadow
    January 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is very well done the emotion that it portrays is exsquisite
    i do have a problem with the one part
    my eyes bled dry to drown the word "why"
    it doesn't really go with the whole parched lip thing
    but, it still works


  • adsaige gold member
    January 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Judged

    Chasing the Drago, huh? It sounds oh so angry, and the emotion that i am in dire need of. Thank you. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

  • SpydurPoet gold member
    January 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This was absolutely amazing. Brutal and a harsh bite.
    Write on!!!
    ~*~SP~*~


  • seamaiden
    January 3, 2008

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    This was very dark and a deep impression of the prompt you were given. I have never thought of parched lips in that way. You used some excellent vocabulary that created vivid images in this piece. It also created interesting thoughts. Very descriptive write and I thank you for sharing it with me. Good luck in the contest if it hasn't already been judged. Keep writing poet. seamaiden ♥


  • Denierim
    January 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing work here! I love the metaphors that build this poem up so great, showing the emotions passing through your words. Beautiful! Definately one of my favorite poems I've read in a while!


  • eleno
    January 3, 2008

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    now that sounds like you are badly hurt, if thats true then you have brought it out beautifully. thank you for sharing

    . Rewarded 4

  • lyrebird
    January 3, 2008

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    This is a really good piece, I loved the lines:
    "and the blasphemous symbols naming you
    that these withered lips are unable to utter"

  • infinite.magic
    January 3, 2008
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    sounds like you really suffered here man, good poem.

  • Meroza gold member
    January 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is quit good, well placed words, but it is a bit short for my taste. Dont get me wrong, it is still good!

    Hope to see more from you - Merosa

    . Rewarded 4


    • Grimoire
      January 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. If you like slightly longer writes then you will probably enjoy this one. http://allpoetry.com/poem/3596044 It isnt an epic or anything but it is one of my longer ones. Hope you enjoy the sporadic moments of sanity within the madness.

      until exhale,
      homewrecker

  • Kari gold member
    January 2, 2008

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    Excellent start, and the finish was awesome! You could for sure feel this piece here.
    The only thing was saying the word " I " so much, but then again if you took that out it might take away some of the feelings in with the poem.
    Either way, awesome poem here!
    Kari


    • Grimoire
      January 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I..... I........... I I I..........me me me me me ...........I I I I I me me I IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I I
      I
      I
      I

      aren't personal pronouns becoming outlawed by purists because poetry should be like a universal language that can relate to the reader, as well???? I
      I
      I I I I II I I
      I
      I
      .... is it really that annoying to make something personal?

      the poem is about drug use, among other things.... it was meant to be about me, and my own personal experience (yet not truly unique, and thus related to by others).
      Yes, minimalism is great. Brevity is marvelous. Being succinct the proper goal. There is no right and wrong in this situation..... I agree with you that there is a LOT of overuse of personal pronouns by writers who lose the transition within their writing.... either its a generalization of a perception of reality meant to cover the reader, the writer and all else; or its a personal subject . I get lost in trying to relate to a lot of work because I don't know which window to peek in, (or if I am looking out, instead).


  • Warrior-Eagle
    January 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Me likes the picture
    you did good
    reallly
    good with this prompt!

    Amzing indeed.

    ..Simply Me♥

  • Midnight-x-Rose gold member
    January 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I know how that feels myself, to ask questions and to have to pretend everything is fine... but it's not. It does make you ill though when you worry over someone and it's not healthy to do that so much... doesn't make it much easier though I'm afraid. I love your vocabulary in this write, it's very smooth.

    • Grimoire
      January 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Actually, I wasn't writing specifically about a person (though it could be interpreted that way, I guess). I was actually writing about drugs... worrying about not having any and the physical consequences if I didn't get some. The second line of the poem refers to the sickness when I wasn't able to meet my bodys demand for it........ the last few lines are about the damage I have done to my heart from drug use, I have health issues from the damage to the heart muscle itself.... yet there is ambiguity, and love is a destructive addiction to the heart sometimes as well....

      until exhale,
      homewrecker

  • x-Black-Butterfly-x silver member
    January 2, 2008

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    wow this is an amazing write and has left me speechless. it just flows beautifully with emotion and power. well done


  • LadyShiva
    January 2, 2008

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    Wow...you have rendered me speechless! The flow and words just took me away. The emotions were raw and powerful! Excellent job!!

    Lauren


  • Naridill
    January 1, 2008

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    Damn~! Very impressive


  • PerfectImperfection
    January 1, 2008

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    Each line here creates such a powerful piece as a whole. There is nothing that I can really even outline to say that struck me the 'most' per say... You have a certain way with words that always seems to leave me in awe. Excellent take on the prompt given. Intricately woven with such an incredible depth. A new favorite from you, I must say.


  • PerfectImperfection
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is just such an incredible piece of thought! There is an amazing intensity coursing through these lines; it can come to make the reader think of many things... I could see so much. An addiction, a pain, an immense betrayal of sorts indeed. Even love really...

    "in between the sweet metallic cracks of my heart
    are the engravings of your destruction
    and the blasphemous symbols naming you
    that these withered lips are unable to utter"

    I loved this, and that is something I cannot often just say. Stunning in its brevity, for this reader at least.


  • Gratitude
    December 30, 2007
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    Wow! Powerful stuff! Enough said. You really do seem to have a way with words.

  • Mallig
    December 30, 2007

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    Great! Such intense painful imagery of the desiccation and destruction of self... Good luck in the contest!

  • AeoAngel
    December 30, 2007

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    I consider that simply amazing.
    I loved it.

    simpl awesome!



  • kIrst1
    December 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    really good. lke the first lin i dehydrated my soul worryin over you x
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