Forever trapped inside this holding cell-
Like forgotten pennies in a wishing well-
Days too bright-
Nights too alone-
I look up-
And you are gone-
Hours seem like seconds as I remember when-
The ways, the war, forgotten lore of men-
But how can I forget the way I feel inside?
Lost, alone, no hope to roam, carried with the tide-
I can’t remember what I tried to so hard to forget-
I can’t remember what I wanted to quit-
Walking circles in my memories takes me no where-
At least what I don’t remember can’t make me care.
Author notes
Coping with
Catatonic Schizophrenia
2
A contest entry
- Poetry and writing workshop in honor of people with disabilities. 1600 points! by kareneisenlord.
1400 points, ended January 29, 2008, 44 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Are you trapped?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Wow, it really sounds like quite an experience! I know someone else, who also was diagnosed with schizophrenia after he joined the navy. The stress triggered it. He saw someone get decapitated in an accident on the ship. Not a pleasant boat ride there.
Back then, (the 50's), they didn't have all of the different categories of schizophrenia that they do now. They just said he had a "schizophrenic personality". He was honorably discharged because of it, and struggled with it his whole life. I was deeply enmeshed with it too. He was my stepfather. He definitely had the paranoid variety. He would go through several months of being fine, and then, wham! - the paranoia hit - and we all went through it with him. Otherwise, he was very bright, successful and talented. Most people didn't know, except for those that were closer to him. WHen he got older, it came out more in different ways. Then, everyone pretty much knew. Anyway, this is getting long. Thanks for responding to my comment! -
wow...powerful poem. It paints quite a picture of your struggle. I am glad that you wrote it.
It really tugs at my heart.
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Thanks so much for your comment.
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I am deeply saddened by this piece. I had no inkling what Catatonic Schizophrenia was like. It left me feeling such a loss. Loss of self, loss of personal purpose. Just driven by an endless tide, not of my own making. I cannot express the grief that feels my heart for you. May the Lord bless as you hold on tight to your hope and I pray that He will shine joy into your darkness. Thank you for such an insightful glimpse into your world. Blessings, Doris
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Thanks so much Doris. It certainly wasn't easy looking back on it though going thru it I had no idea what was going on at all.
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Wow, what a metaphor!
"Forever trapped inside this holding cell-
Like forgotten pennies in a wishing well-"
That image and feeling really does give a sense of being trapped!
Depression can make one feel this way also;
"But how can I forget the way I feel inside?
Lost, alone, no hope to roam, carried with the tide-
I can’t remember what I tried to so hard to forget-
I can’t remember what I wanted to quit-
Walking circles in my memories takes me no where-
At least what I don’t remember can’t make me care."
...Especially the "Walking circles in my memories takes me no where-".
I get the impression from reading this poem that the person served in the military and all of this is a consequence of that. It makes me feel really sad for the person. My father served in the Korean War, and never recovered from the depression that is caused. Many suffer from post traumatic stress as well. I guess I get this impression from your stanza;
"Hours seem like seconds as I remember when-
The ways, the war, forgotten lore of men-"
That is the beauty of a well-written poem; it is open to many interpretations on many levels, beyond what the poet literally means by it as well.
This is a very touching and sad poem. I feel like crying from deep inside. My heart and soul goes out to this person. The ending was interesting in pointing out that the flipside of not remembering something is that at least in not remembering one cannot care about it anymore.
We really appreciate this entry in the contest and best of luck!
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I actually was in the military so you are dead on. It was there that I was dx'ed with schizophrenia. I also suffer from depression and anxiety both tho are a byproduct of the sz tho. But this poem in particular is about a 6 month bout with catatonia I dealt with while living in a state hospital not being able to feed or bathe myself. Lost inside my own mind or trapped if you will. Thanks for taking time to read and understand it. I really do appreciate it.
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I like the flow of this one a lot. I can relate to the lines about wanting to forget... it's interesting that we try so hard to forget something and in later life we really do want to remember them... what's the point?
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The point is that that no matter what it is or how bad it is you always want the OPTION to remember.
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Somethings you don't ever want to remember or it is definately best if you don't. Thanks!
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OUTSTANDING -- Excellent Writing
This is terrific poetry. The rhyme is wonderful.
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Thanks so much...
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Now this I can relate to!!!! WOW!!!! I was in an accident many years ago that left me with permanent brain damage that affects my short and long term memory retention.... I know you wrote this piece for different reasons than what I feel from this poem but This was just really amazing and am glad I got the chance to read it!!!
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Thanks so much and I'm so sorry to hear about your accident. I wrote it based on schizophrenia, but it is al about memory loss. You are correct. Thanks again.
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Your poems are filled with such sadness, such beauty.
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Thank you kind sir.
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