She cut the phone lines
She hid the keys
She locked us in
And then she hit her knees
Surrounded by our pictures
Scattered on the floor
Surrounded by our letters
She said my heart is sore
Her eyes were dark
Her plans decided
Her mind made up
Death on Friday
Surrounded by her memories
Layed out by the door
Surrounded by her tears
She said I loved you more
And as her heart was breaking
She reached for me again
I turned to walk away
Heard her say her life was sin
Surrounded by my misery
Buried in my grief
Surrounded by my insolence
She put herself to sleep
Now as my heart lies bleeding
As tears roll down my face
I know my end is near
She put me in my place
Surrounded now by darkness
Nothing left to tell
Surrounded here by nothing
We meet again in hell.
Author notes
Option 1, Haunted
Option 3, Goodbye
SchizoChic
A contest entry
- Let's Have Your Best Poem for the Group PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES Only! by Spiritual Nature.
1400 points, ended January 15, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One Year Anniversary by aboomer.
600 points, ended January 16, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Fading.Heart.
335 points, ended February 17, 2008, 21 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling All of Those Who Are DISTURBED by Re-invention.
600 points, ended September 18, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abstract Options For Bizarre Poets xD by KyleBerg.
1750 points, ended October 8, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Three Years of Growth by bloved.
1450 points, ended October 12, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Sad huh?
Comments
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I really enjoyed this piece. I usually hate poetry surrounded by suicide because of the constant cliche we get on this site, but your piece shows the let's
"grow up" way to approach a touchy subject.
I really like the lines:
"Surrounded by my misery
Buried in my grief
Surrounded by my insolence
She put herself to sleep"
All I ask if for you to give me your pen name or whatever you call yourself on AP in your author's note.
Thank you for your entry.
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For what this is, it's a great poem,, but could you please tell me how it fits my contest at all?
thanks
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nice wrap at the end. It is a very sad and dark write and it goes well with the prompt. Raw emotion is performed and well made imagery was drawn here.
I preffered mostly the ending part for the ending has a wonderful flow and a lingering sentence to come....
the rest well, could be re-rewritten to see how it flows. Maybe because you kept the lines short and with little data on them. Like my co judger said it difficult trying to decipher your role on the poem.. besides that ,well done! -
This indeed is very sad. But as it sure negatively affected you, it has made you a stronger person today. The poem has great content, and you used a good format. You depict move by move with a set of words that grief. Raw emotion in this one. I'm having a bit of trouble understanding what your role was in that room, im just a bit confused.... But other than that, please place what option you used on the Disturbed contest. Good luck.
Fresa Salvaje
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Please post what form you are using, also what option.
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This is so dark and poignant but so immensely beautiful, great wiork xxxx
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A very powerful and heartbreaking write. I am so sorry for your loss. This leaves so much pain in its' wake. Blessings, Patty
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I thought.
I thought that this poem was about suicide and yes I have had friends that did the same thing. They were simply in too much pain to live. It is hard for those who do not know it to understand. You did a good job. -
Suicide is a horrible thing. I have been around it too mant times, personally and through friends condiering or doing. I loved this part:
Now as my heart lies bleeding
As tears roll down my face
I know my end is near
She put me in my place
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Suicide.
It's a depressing and very powerful topic. Personally I liked the repitition more towards the end, and I thought the last lines were very good. Thank you for entering, and I'm sorry about what happened.
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Congrats on all the shinys!
You have created a wonderful piece from your sorrow. This is a very heartfelt write, full of pain and emotion. So sorry for your loss. Congrats on all the trophy's very well deserved
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First off I'd like to say that I am very sorry for your loss. Second, this poem is beautiful. It's full of pain and emotion. THank you so much for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
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Thank you for entering this contest very good
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deep, dark, and beautiful. well done
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oh my this was terrible i am so sorry about this
god bless you
what a sad why to loose your friend
bless you and all involved
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Such a sad write of your friend. I am so sorry for your loss. Amazing imagery and emotions within
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This is beautiful. It has a very rhythmic flow.
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It was a deep honor being in the contest with you. This is a well written poem and you deserve your win.
michael thomas
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This was so tragic - for all involved. But it was very well written and I hope writing this helped you deal with some of the trauma you must have gone through.
Well worded, great images and emotion, reads nicely.
Thank you for entering this.
Best wishes to you.
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Such a sad read, yet you wrote it with beauty. Best of luck in the contest. Thie is very well penned.~Nikki
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Goodness me, that's terrible... I couldn't imagine how awful she must've felt and those around her that cared about her and to see her dead, it would've been ever so traumatic. No guilt trip or anything, but from the sound of the piece you walked away on her when she threatened to kill herself, I wondered why? I would be too afraid to do that without getting someone to stay with the person. My ex threatened to and I couldn't take the chances. I'd rather it be a hoax than a real attempt, you know. Sorry you had to view this tragic event.
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I walked away because she was going to kill me too. She had it all planned for us to die together. At least she gave me a choice. I tried to stop her. I couldn't so I left to call the police. It was too late.
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Goodness me, that's a little dramatic... she must've had some real mental issues! Should've had her in a mental institution.
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It's over the top dramatic. And yes she should have been in a hospital and she knew it thats why she killed herself she didn't want to go back.
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Oh wow I am sorry about that but this piece is very moving. I want to thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.
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Thank so much.
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I'm glad:0) brave lady (this is in the wrong place again but I'm sure you follow my meaning)
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Where is it supposed to be... so sorry, but I'm so new I keep flubbing things up. Help! LOL. Where is the right place?
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Thanks for entering the People With Disabilities Contest.
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You are quite welcome, new friend.
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wow
its so powerful and sad
it made me wanna cry
but it flowed so well its very well written
keep up the excellent work my friend
Stevie
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Thanks so much for your comment. I'm sorry it made you wannna cry but to tell you the truth I cried when I wrote it, and while it was happening to me too.
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This is well written and flows wonderfully. As for the content, WOW! I have so been there, on my knees on the floor with tears flowing. And in stanza 6, she totatlly explain where she was and how you help to put her there. But God forgives all things and you are forgiven, too. You are still his blessed child and he loves as no other ever could. So don't linger in the darkness, there is the bright of day waiting to shine upon your shoulders. Loved this piece. Blessings, Doris
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Doris, Thanks for your kind words, and I know what you mean. It's so easy to just let yourself stay there where it's nice and dark and just stick it out, but that's to easy. The real part of life is living it. Getting back out there and doing things that you don't want to do like leaving your house, and buying groceries even. I find it it hard to do small things but this is my outlet (writing), so I can get the darkness out of me and be lighter, brighter, and more cheerful towards others despite being shy and introverted in real life, I'm not online, go figure, LOL.. Thanks!
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I hope it helped
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Frown, you hope what helped?
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this was a reply to your response to my last comment, but they put it in the wrong place!
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Oh I see now, LOL. Thanks. And yes it did.
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Two things came to my mind as I read this. My first thought was that it is a traumatic memory, possibly between mother and child. Then, as I pondered upon the words and knowing that there are multiple layers of meaning in writing and meaning goes way beneath what seems apparent on the surface, I thought; this sounds like someone who has been shattered and fragmented within themself. This was the day that it happened; and it may have been triggered by a traumatic event such as the one portrayed here.
This is a very interesting and beautifully written piece and it facillitates the thinking processes.
Thank you for sharing this work with us. I liked the imagery that you painted with your words. This stanza moved me with a vizualization of what was happening here;
"Surrounded by our pictures
Scattered on the floor
Surrounded by our letters
She said my heart is sore"
Best of luck in the contest and we appreciate your entry! -
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Thanks so much. You are right on the money and it was triggered by a traumatic event in my life personally. This poem means alot to me. It's real life. But you are right. Thanks for your compliments. I do appreciate them.
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Schizochic, this contest is for member of the group, PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES, only. You are welcome to join, we would be pleased to have, but otherwise, I would have to DQ this wonderful poem. If you do want to become a member, just let me know if you need any assistance. Blessings, Doris
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Thanks Doris, I joined the group and posted an intro. I thought I joined last night. For some reason, I guess it didn't go thru.
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very, when communication breaks down separation becomes intolerable. Glass walls are hard to crack, blame and guilt fill the spaces yet they don't belong there. Can you blame yourself for stepping on a butterly if it falls at your feet in the dark?
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You sound as if you've been there or if you are empathic enough and understanding enough the true meaning of this poem. Thanks so much.
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This is tragic, by the way, I was diagnosed with sz many years ago. I don't think I have it though. I'm glad you're doing so well. As for the poem, great rhythme great subject.
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SZ is a tough dx to deal with. I am happy you are doing well without accepting the dx. I wish that were my case. I am only ok on the meds. Thanks for the compliments...
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Laing held a different view and wrote that in certain cases, such as trauma induced, the schizophrenic is the healthy member in a dysfunctional unit but they pay the price for seeing the truth while the others try to cover it up
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Yes, it is. very sad and personal, strong in emotion, you also had a pretty good rhyme structure here, well done dear
Blessed Be
Adriana -
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Adriana, Thanks so much for your feedback. I apppreciate your kind words.
Monica
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Suicide is an ugly selfish act and it leaves total devistation in its path... You did a wonderful job conveying that in this piece. Well done
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Jcat, You are right. It is selfish, and it leaves a big mess not just literallly but also mentally and emotionally for those who were close to clean up around you. Thanks for the compliments. You sound like you've had an experience or two in this area too. Thanks and all the best.
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Very touching...kept me engrossed...
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BSNK,thanks! Appreciate the feedback.
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ooh this is good!
Very moving. Well done. -
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Thank you Billybop
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Very sad. Your work is compelling. I look forward to reading more.
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Thanks Lord Malvok.
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