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Where Solitude Once Dwelled

Missing image

 

 

I.

You said this place
found you, calling
like an empty canvas
begging to be filled
and your impish smile
excited me, even more.

II.

I watched you skip
up the weed choked path,
golden hair fluttering
in the summer breeze,
like a city girl entranced
by her first taste
of freedom

III.

I noticed your mind pondering things
too fast for your eager eyes to follow
as you picked flowers
like an olive skinned nymph.

IV.

Your romantic poeticism knew
just what to do as

you placed those flowers in

a bone china vase in the sun
after we made love

like teenagers
on the dusty floor.

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • BlancetNoir gold member
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    this is beautiful, and I don't know why it makes me feel misty, I just am touched by the admiration you express for your subject.

  • This was gorgeous. The freedom felt in this was great, like a fresh breeze in the face. it was very short but seemed so much longer because of the impact. Truly beautiful.
    Jeanette*~


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    stanza III !!!

    nice restatements of the simili ... beautiful ending .. i love your genteel and elegant touch here

    made love on the dusty floor ... total!!! really smart, sharp


  • adsaige
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    Again, there is always sensuality that resounds in your writes. You are almost unable to disabuse yourself from that part of you...and that is good. You feel your poetry. It is about you and it''s about us....Where is my loving making like teenagers?

    Beautiful.


  • perfectsunset gold member
    April 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was purely gorgeous. Loved the imagery, the concept of young love, the beauty and emotion. This was put together wonderfully & I like your style of writing how you placed them into 4 scenes. Great write!

    Best of luck & thanks for entering my contest


  • luna-midnight gold member
    February 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awww this sounds so lovely...ahahaha sounds like something i'd do...and i love that pic so much, it's absolutely gorgeous..so pretty and perfect =)
    and the poem is very beautiful, an love how you split into sections, and the way you describe the girl, it's wonderful =)
    stephanie =)
    p.s. i think this is one of my fav fav favvvvvvs!!!!! from you =) lol, and all. =)


  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
    February 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    definetly sensualism outside the box I really enjoyed how not straight forward this was


    Cindy


  • tara wilson gold member
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ...
    beautiful poetry...


  • LittleMoon silver member
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely write MJ. I could see a young couple, so full of hope for the future, doing something free and crazy to celebrate their love and new home.


  • Dalaney gold member
    January 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

  • silverfish
    January 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i have difficulty writing from picture prompts myself, but i think the sensuality of your poem mates artfully with the graytone elements of the photo. -r


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    December 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I had to come back and read this again..

    it was just so beautiful.


  • zochit2me gold member
    December 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Actually a lovely journey. We all love those snapshot moments where innocence meets passion.
    I love that first stanza and the way you set up the entire tone to follow. The only thing that sticks to me and kind of hangs me up is in the second stanza the use of the word "overgrown" it just seems to be too much detail and I stumbled at that moment while reading it. But other than that, it is solid.
    I wish you much luck here in Lane's contest.

    Becky



  • michichoeret
    December 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    wonderful

    absolutely perfect as is


  • alexandrathegreat
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow I've never seen someone quote themselves, I love the segues of this poem but I didn't find much solitude in it.


    • MJ Donnelly gold member
      December 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, for reading dear, and after pondering your comment about, 'not finding much solitude in my work,' I decided to change the title. I humbly thank you for your poetic nudge.


  • micol
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. The image reminds me of a Van Eyck painting, and the poem carries that echo even further. He might not have painted the couple making love on the dusty floor, but everything else share the eye for detail, the meticulously created atmosphere, the uncanny play of light in his paintings.

    Very well written, well conceived, well executed.

  • ashjoe76
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    I love the entire structure of the poem - starting with just a presence that begins to fill in the sensuous canvas and progressing slowly to reach a fulfilling experience. Congrats!


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ah..the poetic immagery and the feelings are amalgamated bringing here an art piece my friend....well done..and thanks or sharing such a wonderful write...


  • Wild Mustang
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Though I wouldn't personally say this is your best (I have other favorites !), you certainly did a splendid job, Michael! It's a very sensual piece. I love it! You did very well, as usual. We should all stop being so surprised .


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I believe this is your best yet....

    in fact, I was so stunned, I had to go back and re-read it.
    This is one to be printed in the anthology of American Poetry... one to be studied in Literature classes decades from now...
    I am honestly quite fascinated and humbled.
    (and envious - damn it, why didn't I write this?)
    Wow.... you are so incredible - and you get better every day!
    I keep going back and reading it again because I can't get enough.

1 - 22 of 22