Your whispered
“I love you”
still echoes
in my ears.
I wake to
your ring,
left behind.
My heart
shatters.
A contest entry
- Prompt 16 entries/20 words or less by mysticstorm.
475 points, ended December 30, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 25 Words Or Less - Prewrites Allowed!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended January 2, 2008, 52 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I really can relate to this and it is gorgeous!!!
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I don't really know what to say, so I'm just going to give you the little clappy guys because I think you deserve them...
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I know exactly how that one feelings darling...because I have that exact same feeling at the moment... his voice, with I love you ringing...it still lingers in my sleep, in my ears each night... it's traumatic, it truly is. Sorry you have felt the same...hope all is well with you on this day!
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The hardest part of life seems to be just this...for no matter how hard we try...the voice of love once had never leaves...very touching and heartfelt...
Thank you for entering! -
The shortness of it makes it feel raw and brutal. Just like how life is most of the time and you expressed this well.
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yes this is life and love always echoes despite we wish or not..you are heartfelt here..well done..and thanks for sharing such a wonderful write...
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wow.... this creates a stark suddenness by its shortness. usually poems of this subject are longer and with more set up. But the poem catches the reader as fast as the subject catches you... like going to sleep together and waking up and she's gone... almost that quick. Interesting style that works well in this situation.
Good luck.
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this is awesome you have great talent simply beautiful, i wake to your ring left behind is an awesome line.
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