In the Eyes of a Dying One (Chapter 1)

For both the present and in long years past, I have prayed to my god for many things. Silly toys at a young age; supernatural wishes as I got older, and all the randoms in between. But the one constant throughout the years is my prayer for a real, true friend, of whose attributes I listed to be loyalty and honesty. I should have been more specific. For my wish was granted, but almost too literally. I made these friends over time, but they never stayed. The first was unfortunately killed in a car accident (I mourn for him still, but am past the point of crying every time his memory penetrates me). The second one, who had all the afore listed qualities, was also by all means a troublemaker, a delinquent even to some. She ended up spending most of her time in and out of a juvenile detention center. I am in the process of losing one – not to disloyalty, never to that, but simply to life. The third, most recently, I regret not being able to know too well, because she moved to the Southern States. It may be considered an assumption that she would be one of the few “true” friends, but as I can find no evidence to the contrary I give her the benefit of the doubt.

The entire point of my excerpt is this: life is full of abnormalities, although, in this context, the word technicalities seems more appropriate. Things are not always what they seem to be. But at least they still exist. They are able to simply be.

Before I embark on what I earlier learned was formally called a narrative, I shall provide you with the background information (knowing from experience, whenever readers hear “background information”, they tend to lose interest, assuming the supplied facts to be boring – so I will try to make this as painless as possible).

We all have those people in our lives who exist for nothing more than the sake of our continued annoyance – through provocation, noise, obnoxiousness, insult, etc. The lucky side that many of the victims don’t realize is that they have means of escaping these people, either by leaving the vicinity, reporting it to an authority, even retaliating. But, unfortunately, I am not a member of those lucky many, for the person of which I speak is my step-father. I can do neither of the solutions mentioned when I am antagonized by him, mostly in the form of provocation and his elitist “all-knowing” sense. In what would be the common term, he is, I believe, a “know-it-all.”

The second fact that is of less importance than the first, but important nonetheless. I have a unique combination of health problems which will present itself throughout my narrative, with or without my intention. The first illness is that of bipolar syndrome. For those non-medics, it is a form of severe depression that is categorized by periods of elevated mood, or mania, alternating with periods of depression. In simpler terms, very strong and apparent mood swings. The second of my genetic shortcomings is that of a very feared (yet very common) mental disease: that of schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is characterized by social withdrawal, depression, a “blank look”, sleeping difficulties, and odd or incoherent sentences, to name a few. However, since each person is different (which in turn would make each person react differently to the same disease), my only symptoms are the first 2, among unlisted others. However, those are only the signs of schizophrenia. The disease itself is when the victim sees delusions or hallucinations, hears voices, and/or exhibits signs of paranoia. The only reason I am free to write this narrative and am not in a mental clinic is because I was blessed with only one of the three symptoms, that being the first. I have never been unfortunate enough to hear voices or experience paranoia. This illness will most likely be a prevailing theme, as my stress over it and my knowledge/control of it greatly contributes to the first illness prescribed.

A third personal wrong is not that of an illness, but a personal problem: my social skills are inadequate. I shall not expound further upon this, and by the end you may agree or disagree with this statement: I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

The fourth and final problem will come in the next chapter, for it is how my life became the way it was, both the good and the bad parts. This is not an illness or disease, it is simply a personal disadvantage. It has shaped and molded me, my blessing and my curse.