In this somber place
Where love is sought to bloom,
Couples walk hand in hand
Cheeks kissed with salty spray.
A name is etched
Into the sand,
A symbol of passion,
Meant for eternity.
But the dark waves come crashing
To eat up this innocent love.
The names fades to letters,
The letters to marks,
The marks to nothing.
Nature has played her role
In fate and destiny.
Foolish loves,
Trusting the beach
To withhold their love!
The seagulls laugh mockingly
For they, fellow deceivers,
Know the temper of the sea.
But oftentimes the name
Isn’t just inscribed in the soft sand,
But the walls of the heart.
There it lies, haunting me
So I, knowing the truth
Of the waves’ power and wrath,
Etch your name in the sand
And watch the water
Wash it away
One last time forever more.
Author notes
I am Breezie.....and my option is number 4
A contest entry
- GET NOTICED!!!! by Nighttime angel.
625 points, ended January 13, 2008, 88 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite quickie contest # 2 by Kari.
390 points, ended January 18, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Him that I love, I wish to be Free- Even from me... by Jasmine Rayne.
700 points, ended January 23, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Shakes an angry fist at the sky by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended February 6, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poets Survivor 3 - It Begins NOW - Audition Interval One (For Everyone) by Ryno.
1050 points, ended February 14, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥♥♥♥ Love me, or Love me not... ♥♥♥♥ by Rebekah-Ann.
385 points, ended February 14, 2008, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - III by N e a r.
4000 points, ended February 16, 2008, 121 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever-You-Want by XxESPNCHICKxX.
600 points, ended February 17, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want Gore, Erotica, Laughter, Love, Anything Great by So Strange.
720 points, ended May 16, 2008, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want a lot of poems... by love my jose luis.
900 points, ended February 21, 2008, 125 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Love Writes Here! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 8, 2008, 306 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by fairytalelovestory.
625 points, ended April 11, 2008, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So.... you're a poet huh? And you don't like to ryhme? by Melissa Burns.
375 points, ended March 6, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - WHAT DO YOU LIKE by Elenaliz.
1000 points, ended March 20, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - that don't impress me much by j-ay rose.
600 points, ended April 9, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me All You've Got (Winner Takes All) by hey charlie.
300 points, ended May 3, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Getting Over Your Dearest by Wilted Rose Bush.
600 points, ended April 21, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 10 options for the creative poet (3) by bananasfoster42.
700 points, ended June 17, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The best you got! by izzy1804.
725 points, ended September 7, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold And Silver Trophy Poems! by MJ Forgives.
700 points, ended November 14, 205 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Great poem. Great imagery. Great emotion. good luck.
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this is a great poem!!! such imagery!(and i luv this background too!) thanks for the entry
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wow thats a lot of contests you've entered this in
but this is a purely emotional write with great power in it
i really like the way you have described your emotion in this and how you feel
I could relate to it
great metaphors used also
Well done, good luck and thanks for entering
)
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thank you for entering my contest.
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Beautifully written but I have to say that it didn't really keep my attention for too long. Maybe if you used different phrases that were a little more powerful... I don't know. Thanks for entering.
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this is really good.at first i thought it was gonna be cliche but its no where near it.this is tender and tranquil.beautifully written.the background is perfect.it really adds to the effect.the trophies are well deserved.great write
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i really enjoyed reading this, and i actually thought thebackground was nice especially as the words lay on the sand-
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Thank you for entering my humble little contest. I am having fun exsposing myself to something different. Good luck
Welcome to the finalist list
Very good!
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Aww all these writes are beautiful, but they remind me of the old times and I guess that makes me sad too. I remember our walks across the beach, Karl and I my ex... They were lovely. We held hands and he was calm. He was never calm for anyone else, he had a special way for me, he was my honey and always made me smile. Beautifully written, love the background too.
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Thank you for this poem, I really like this poem and I like the background too. Thank you so much for your entry in my contest and good luck.
~Maria -
Thanks for entering and Good Luck this is very good i liked it
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Wow... this is pretty impressive! I never seen a poem quite like this before and using names in sand to identify with the cruelty of love... And yet it gives a softer tone near the end when it describes that it isn't the only thing the names are etched into. Beautiful. Stunning. Amazing!
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Thanks for entering my Valentine's Day contest, and good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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yes!
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Yes, okay
I think you have sheer determination. I think you show potential to improve. But, that is the only reason I am putting you threw. You aren't bad with imagery, but I can see you working at improving your poetic devices, originality, & such. Or else the preliminary rounds will eat you up. I suggest the next poem you pen in the preliminary rounds is COMPLETELY original. Make sure no phrases you use, such as some in the this poem, or cliche. Take a "different" "interesting" etc spin at whatever your writing about. Phrase things so the poem comes together creatively & the descriptions give someone an oh! moment. But, the best to you, I can see you improving but you'll have to work hard to stay in the contest. Good luck. Thanks; Ryan. -
yes
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Thank you so much for this very intese entry... so true how we can be so in love with someone in a point in our lives and then "the dark waves crashes" and take this feeling of love and happiness far away. I hope you will enter soon again. I really enjoyed reading your poetry!
Have a lovely valentines day
♥Becks -
No
Sorry
The sentiments of this poem are good, but I found it to be pretty basic and lacking poetic device, hence my decision.
La x
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A name is etched
Into the sand,
A symbol of passion,
Meant for eternity.
I like the way you juxtapose a permenant phrase etched and then in soft sand to show that even love can be fragile. meant for eternity but with this undertone that nothing is eternal great start to your poem
The names fades to letters,
The letters to marks,
The marks to nothing.
Nature has played her role
In fate and destiny.
this monotonous list sounds like the waves rythmically washing the letters away slowly but deffinately.
the stages are so vivid and the personification of nature is sopt on here
But oftentimes the name
Isn’t just inscribed in the soft sand,
But the walls of the heart.
There it lies,
this is such a good composition the way you linkthe walls of your heart with the written capabilities of the sand and the wayyou alliterate the soft sand to link emotion to a soft heart.
So I, knowing the truth
Of the waves’ power and wrath,
Etch your name in the sand
And watch the water
Wash it away
One last time forever more.
a great metaphor and the images of destruction. however, very theraputic to see nature having power once more.
a beautiful write a shame you canot enter this but i muc=st be a fair judge but ill deffinately applaud it becasue it is a stunning write x
kind regards
Lorcan Furey
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You did a great job telling a story poeticly, and the imagery is really nice.
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"But often times the name
Isn’t just inscribed in the soft sand,
But the walls of the heart.
There it lies, haunting me..."
Excellent poem indeed. I can see why it has already won two trophies!
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Poetry In Motion...
Terriffic Imagery
Quite to life...
Salute!!!
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The death agonies can be dreadful. This is a wonderful poem about the doom of the seas sweeping over the corpses on the beach. I think.
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Wrong......sorry, it is about love and getting over someone....
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I love the story that this poem tells it really touches me right now
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I love the imagery in this poem. It was enjoyable. Thank you for the entry and good luck in the contest. :]
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your clappys
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WOW, this poem was simply breath taking. so full of emotions and truth. so much sadness and reminders of memories that can sometimes haunt us.. I love these lines the most, they touched me in many ways:
But oftentimes the name
Isn’t just inscribed in the soft sand,
But the walls of the heart.
excellent job on writing this poem.
good luck in the contest.
kat
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