Fade into the background of a child's eyes.
Watch how they cope with a life un-lead.
See them run from imaginary friends, never wondering,
when the sky will fall down on their heads.
when did we grow old, and forget
all the trouble we got in.
Working all day, making a goal in a coexisting life, to live
a life that ends falling down onto a hard cold bed......
when can we leave this sad story behind....?
can our words follow our shadows when the light has fled?
My eyes flicker through all the screens
that mirror life...can i stand fast hoping that this nightmare will end?
Someone please could you break the chain that holds me to
this bed....
Say goodbye to all the scripts that never got plead...
When can we all fall down and say that we're dead................?
A contest entry
- 2007 - everything under 25 lines by leander.
1000 points, ended January 17, 2008, 167 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
In my opinion, the poem started out pretty good. You got some great imagery in there and worked nice around it.
Toward the end - eventhough you added a lot more emotions in it, I feel it weakened a bit the whole poem. the contrast is too big in my opinion, especially with the last line.
Thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the best of luck!
Leander
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