I saw her in the studio
Just the other day
She looked Graceful and Lovely
without a price to pay
Looking quite Beautiful
Young and So carefree
Looking in the mirror
The Ballerina would be me
For her tutu's red and pink
With gold accents on her side
The Dancer has love
and she struts around with pride
When the ballerina spins
She waits for him to catch
He drops her glass heart on the floor
all thats left is the latch
Closing all thats left of it
her bloody little heart
Now falling into nowhere
leaving her back to start
he doesn't deserve her trust
thinking adhesives will fix
a porcelain figure
pounded dead by bricks
Now her tutu's black and green
Her pigtails are now un-tied
Her eyes are covered by her hair
and now she has no pride
Ballerina,on the floor,gives up on him and such
now instead she dances Around at night
she,or i,avoid the blood 'cause it's too much
Drama,for any halo to become bright
Author notes
ugh.shattered.
A contest entry
- Your Best Pre-write of 2007 by Metaphorist.
900 points, ended January 4, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
if i were him ,i would listen.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is very well written. It's got so much depth and soul. I can really feel the ballerina's pain. Great write.
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'When the ballerina spins
She waits for him to catch
He drops her glass heart on the floor
all thats left is the latch'
I love that bit, it stood out so much, I love how your rhyme flows so well and doesn't seem forced
This was beautifully sad, but beatutiful nonetheless
♥
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absolutely LOVED it!!! i love the bit
"Now her tutu's black and green
Her pigtails are now un-tied
Her eyes are covered by her hair
and now she has no pride"
LOVED that bit!! i loved how it all flowed together so nicely
good write keep it up
xoxox zoe <3
p.s i have always wanted a tutu since i was little
hehe
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OMG I loved it...
"Ballerina,on the floor,gives up on him and such
now instead she dances Around at night
she,or i,avoid the blood 'cause it's too much"
I liked how you talked about the change by using her tutu and pigtails. It's... awesome. The rhyme/rhythm are flawless, the images are amazing, and the tale itself is heartbreaking and heartbreakingly told. Well done, I love it.
~QoA
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This..i Loved it, im as well a dancer..Was before i went to hell and back...
it reminds me so much of myself..beautiful imagery.. lovley words it flowed perfectly.. much like a dancer.
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Wow...I can sense that broken feeling...what a terrific piece...
The title is what attracted me,very beautiful... -
hey,,, tahnsk for commenting on my 'valentine day' poem! I love this poem it descides [[dunno how 2 spell dat word lol]] me very well and i can relate to it,, i like how u changed the color of the tutu and stuff its brilliant well done! =]
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I enjoyed that. Well structured and carefully thought out. However, I do feel that the metaphor of a dancer is one that's a little worn out.
Keep it up. -
A heartbreaking story. Beautifully written. Rhyme sheme flowed well throughout.
Thanks for entering. Good luck in my contest and in the new year! -
Sounds like the the nagging question in the cold breeze "Is thee trust of your fragile heart to anothers love really worth the risk of damage?"
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I know how you feel sweetie
just let your feelings go....if you want i will be your friend and listen
I like how you expressed your feelings in a Ballerina way
and how you changed the colors of the tutu
I'm here if you want to chat
keep on writing sweetie...keep your head up high
Stevie
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