The stars break into the sky
that streches endlessly covering our deepest fears
untill
we fall
and can fall no more
life's regretts rushing past us
and
then
we
drop
Gentle footsteps in the sand soon washed over by the tide
Forgotten...
A contest entry
- Touch my heart by MysticalRayne.
450 points, ended January 7, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your BEST........ by islekine.
600 points, ended January 4, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I feel you will never return to me by googe.
600 points, ended January 8, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Oh. This is a neat little poem that you have penned in here.
I didn't know what to expect by the title but it was very short. I liked how it still had a kind of story though and I think that the images you used were very insightful. I liked it and I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself here.
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9pts...
Thank you for this wonderful contribution to The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
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The movement and rhythm within your words paint a vivid picture, the message is a bit scary, that of being forgotten, being inconsequential, but it is also so soft, such an easy landing. Well done.
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You did a great job with this piece - the imagery is excellent - Best of luck in the contest
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This is impressive
It is trully nice to see someone express their views of death in a way that can be correctly analyzed. this is yet another poetic peice the whole world should read. -
the thought is absolutely amazing and well portrayed.
a little more of it would have brought tears in me eyes!
but as they say; often, less is more!
good job!
(line 6 has a typo)
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I like how you used the beach for this poem you put this together really well and your flow was great the end of the poem was the best because that is just how life at the end thanks for reading my poem that means a lot to me lots of love SH
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I can certainly relate to this well written piece, I especially love the structure of this one. Well done.
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wow...Death happens, but they are NEVER forgotten, as long as we are still alive, and the written word remains
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Everyone has their day in the sun, or at most people get to shine at sometime in their lives, and when they part, they leave a space for someone else to fill. We live and love for the moment, sharing our lives with others who we call friends and family. When they part, they leave part of their lives in our memories, as we will when we pass on. Like how you wrote this and made it your own.
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Death, terrible death, but what if people like Hitler, Stalin, etc., never died; in industry, and business, who would advance if the boss never died? Strange how some can work so hard all their lives to be remembered here on earth, and are forgotten so quickly; and what will it matter to them, when they won't even know it? Some of the best ways to live on end up being simple acts of kindness that can domino undocumented through time; contagious like the deadliest of diseases.
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It is sad but then life is sad, and my favourite line-
Gentle footsteps in the sand soon washed over by the tide. forgotton.
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A very sad poem for the end of the year too...
It matches my mood at the moment, beautiful.
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Thanks so much for your kind response!! Happy new year!!
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very nice poem
though sad.
steph♥
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