Impatiently Confused

I don't want to wait
And get the answers
I don't want to leave it up to fate
and let whatever happen, just happen.

I'm biting my lip
To keep these thoughts to myself
I don't want it all to slip
and hurt anyone else.

I've made mistakes
And I have some regrets
And your number one on the list
But you're only a secret.

I tried and tried
Until I got sick of the let downs and tears
Nothing I did was good enough
I sacrificed a lot those passed two years

But all of a sudden
I'm just so PERFECT
I'm the only one you think about
Now I know better then to believe it.

You don't know how much I want to though
I really enjoy your lies
Every little false compliment;
It makes me smile :)

When I get close to you
I get that nervous feeling inside
And I think about how I don't love you
That you're just wasting my time.

Because I've been hurt too many times
I never had the strength to pull myself up
I always had that empty feeling
Of just NEVER being good enough

You don't really understand
How I would have DIED for you to just see
To just listen for once
About how much you really meant to me

I don't know anymore
I don't know how I feel
You've confused me again
And my heart is still trying to heal.

I just don't want another disapointment
I don't want to be used.
I've fallen to fast
And I know I'm about to lose

Lose everything I fought for
The time I loved and enjoyed
And I just don't want to
I'm not ready to close that door

But when will I be?
If I even should
I don't know how
I don't think I ever could.

I've gave  up so much
My thoughts and dignity
But I'm not so regrettful
As I should be.

I'd do anything to have you as that perfect friend
I was lost without someone to turn to
"I missed you more then I missed myself"
But I'm not really sure if I really had you.

I just want to know right now
The answers to what I should do
I don't want to sit around
And wait anymore for you.