I'm so busy right now,
doing something much greater,
making lunches for the homeless,
you should join them...I'll cater,
if you leave me your home phone,
maybe I'll call you later.
In the middle of dinner,
or when your making love,
interrupting that blissful point
your dreaming of,
What's that you say, you can't??
have me call you at home???
yet you're on my line blabbering,
'bout cellular phones,
So then why did you call
up my home, and just bother,
me as I was changing
my poor dying father,
I've got a Depends in one hand,
with some feces dipped digits,
and the last thing I needed,
was phone sales mental midgets!
Why not give me your cell phone,
what's the number, pray tell,
then when your on the freeway
in some rush hour hell,
you'll be fumbling to answer,
as the cars ahead slow,
then you'll crash right into them,
as I holler,"Hello!"
Or give me your e-mail,
that might just be a plan,
then I'll send you my response,
with ten MB's of spam,
Better yet leave a message,
which I'll simply resend,
sixteen thousands and six times,
to my dear phone sales friend.
Is that silence I'm hearing,
like before my phone rang,
has the cat got your tongue,
where's that tedious harangue.
I suggest you hang up now,
and call president bush,
he got oodles of money,
and just sits on his tush,
he could use a nice voice now,
he's a most hated man,
he invades all our privacy,
much like your stores sales plan,
Or call up mean dick cheney,
but he's good with a gun,
he might just shoot your lawyers,
and get you when he's done,
I hear Wendy's is hiring,
you just might look them up,
cause when your selling burgers,
no one screams, "Just shut-up!"
There's no phone calls to make,
just a bad drive in mike,
you can sell the whole menu,
to each car if you like.
Then they'll buy what your offering,
they'll eat up what your selling,
you might move up to manager,
doesn't that sound compelling,
Cause the only time
I've heard solicitors used,
are for whores who hang downtown,
and this call of abuse,
I'm going back to the bathtub,
you go jump in the lake,
don't forget your cement shoes,
is it time for your break,
let me call while your eating,
your ten minute sandwich,
you can talk between mouthfuls,
wouldn't that be just grand, Witch!
Cause I don't need a cell phone,
you'd just call me on that,
and use up all my minutes,
with your oh, so lame chat.
Have a most lovely day,
please don't think I'm a snob,
but most folks who call me here,
are employed with real jobs!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Artis
A contest entry
- Speaking in rhyme to telephone solicitors ~~ Drive them crazy! by Melodies.
600 points, ended January 3, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Now THIS was a delightful rant! I enjoyed your rhyming, and generally got the meter. The content, however, was "delish!" Would love to serve a few stanzas, especially asking for their personal phone and email etc!! Thoroughly enjoyed!
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AMEN TO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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hahahaha man
"Cause the only time
I've heard solicitors used,
are for whores who hang downtown,
and this call of abuse,"
had a good laugh on this
nice flow too.
-
wow
I thought you had a really bad day today...It might factor into this. But I don't know how anyone can top this. This was in your face, laugh out loud, and completly insulting. I absolutly loved it. I wish you serious luck in this contest. This down right rocked!!
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I should have known...laughing!
geesh..what a girl has to do just earn....a buck!
Would have given you a real deal on the vinyl siding,
and two long distance plans to shower you endlessly
with more solicitors..hey! you'll be our favorite..
sucker that is...very well written, eye brow raising
too..all the things we have wanted to say to those
annoying irritating, give me a stun gun telemarketers!
good good job!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )) p.s. got a special on meat packs
of beef? want me to
include the wiener package too?
$99.99 for you $98.99...special!
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Nice...I love how you took somthing so simple that could anoy the hell out of you and wrote this. Absolutly wonderful! Heh
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Very cool and very funny...! I hate those idiots too!
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Oh, Artis... I shoulda knowed...
Like, um, when I had laughed myself silly all down those stanzas and wondered who the brilliant poet was, and how could anybody be so funny and say such outrageous things, and then WA LA... I see your name and say, "Well, no wonder!"
I guess you can tell I like your poem DUH! 
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