Laying still in the pool
of gray murk
the vapors rise
within these hills
I reach with my last grasp
for your hand
that is lying still
out of sight
I have come to the highest point
and can not look back
for today, begets a new page
in history
All that is left is a fog
A murmur of memories...
A contest entry
- 2007 - everything under 25 lines by leander.
1000 points, ended January 17, 2008, 167 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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An intense awareness ...
of mortality, but also acknowledgement that life goes on ... And therein lies the meaning ...
The end lines describe the soul's way to lessen pain ... in the fog of forgetfulness. Yet: inside the memories pulse its links to the bloodline and to His Blood ...
Wondrous poem, Tamara. Your mother is safe. And you too in this love and compassion.
Myra
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Hey sis!
This is soooooo good~ I think it's one of your best. Written with that 'first cold thought' appeal that translates so clearly to the reader. Nearly effortless.
...the end is haunting!
Love, Dianne the CookieZ
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Ooh, I like this
The first feel I got after reading this a first time was that you turned something cliche into something original... Then I read it again and noticed actually how far you went out of the cliched box
There's great imagery in there, as well as the alliteration that is a nice touch of detail to this write.
I definately like the last two lines of this - well done!
Thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
She is always there with you through tough and through thin she is your guardian angel never forget that and one day when you make your depart she will be at the gates of heaven waiting for you with a smile on her face for during your lifetime you will make her proud.
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Oh my god. It's so sad! Things like this shouldn't happen to people. But sadly they do anyway. Memories last forever, while people do not. Make more while you still can. She will forever remain part of you and when in doubt just remember what she would say if she was standing right there. I love this poem. It's so heartfelt.
fogwolf
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Depression often seems unescapable. But as long as she lives as a part of you, she'll never die.
My condolences,
<3shinE* -
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I think a large part of her will live on in me from now on.
thanks for the words of encouragement.
Tamara
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The fog of depression will clear and the memories will remain like a little whisper in the ear when you need her advice or want to ask 'what would you do?' She is a part of you now & there are wonderful things to be learned about the bonds and eternal threads in life.
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as you well describe, she will be in my ear and heart from now on.
thanks for the words of encouragement.
Tamara
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Very strong in imagery and emotion here.
Very well penned,
keep up the great work!
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This has the WOW factor for me! The strong image of your reaching for the other ones hand in death throes is memorable and stirring. The third stanza surprisingly reveals a positive light of looking forward but I'm not sure if the last stanza means it's a good thing all that remains is a fog or is it a bad thing?
I just read the other comments and now understand it better.
Peace Georgia
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Very Sad
Loss is always hard to accept and when it is close family, it's even harder. My prayers are with you, The Shaker
Oh yea, Great job on the poem. Lots of power in your word selections.
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WOW.... I am really sorry to hear about your mom. I buried my dad this past October. Your poem says so much here. I wish that I had been able to find the words about this loss myself... Best of luck in this contest though
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This is very well done. I'm so sorry that your mother is dying. I hope you are able to get the most out of your last days with her.
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This poem is written with lot of emotion and longing but also with a kind of farewells for all past time. Good used pictures and metaphors are making this poem very strong in its meaning.
~Sonja~
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I am saying goodbye to Mom, I am now the top of the generation and not feeling that good about it.
thanks for your visit and comments.
Tamara
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