her dress flowing in the breeze
and hair shimmering in the pale moonlight
she looks out, beyond her limits
waiting, hoping, dreaming
the air around her, brisk and cool
crackles with electricity and heat
making her cold skin warm and flushed
pining, mourning, wanting
her words flutter to the ground
surrounding her, imprisoning her
trapping her heart, and yet setting her free
hurting, crying, yearning
and as her tears silently fall
she stares into the world she will never know
wishing for what she will never know
encompassed by her fluttering words
Author notes
i commented the day before yesterday, it was real good actually
A contest entry
- for the poets who think they can write imagery (pw allowed) by abuyi.
1200 points, ended January 24, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what are you thinking?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like how you've got those 3 words decorating the bottom of each stanza until the last, where the last line and the first remind me of eachother. however, you used "flutter" twice. instead of "her words flutter to the ground" it could be fall...
but yes, I see. It must be more.....delicate, waving in the breeze, kind of a word.
I don't know that the repetition of "she will never know" added further meaning to the poem.
Also...it would have been very easy for you to fall into the trap of mixed tenses. I'm not sure if future tense is the best for the poem, but it was there throughout.
So....yeah! thereyago. I kinda liked it. it was too fluttery for me.
lol.....but that was the point, wasn't it.
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melancholy, not sure i understood yet it was beautiful and soothing to read, i enjoyed it. nicely witten, i liked the word choice of the title. good luck in the contest!
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Interesting...
Dark, yet very pretty.
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nice to know that you like that entry.. i like your flow and the sensuality.. fix your typo "belong"
thanks for entering and best of luck -
very powerful, much like the writing ive seen of urs, who is she? if u dont mind me asking
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