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Winter Water Waltz

Flaked snow queen,  filtering,    down,      words
through the clouds,  frosty shrouds,  drift,    sing
Sweet tender, she sends her,    snow,          birds
into the, caroling,      grow,                        wing

Forests give,  rise to a,    core,                  rush
when the melt,  gathers the,    gold,          dust
Tiny sprites,  gain in might,    push,        pull
dry lower, land ever,    thank,                  full

Author notes

Dance: Waltz
Personification: Snowflake(and water)
Note: To realize the Waltz effect, give the first 6 syllables one beat in each line and give the last two words three beats each. For example:
Flaked snow queen, fil-ter-ing dooooooown wooooords

Rispetto

A Rispetto, an Italian form of poetry,
is a complete poem of two rhyme quatrains
with strict meter.

The meter is usually iambic tetrameter
with a rhyme scheme of abab ccdd.

A Heroic Rispetto is
written in Iambic pentameter,
usually featuring the same rhyme scheme.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    January 5, 2008

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    Oooh you did waltz beautifully with this Rispetto and your snowflake simply came to life. I loved this unique and most creative presentation.
    Well done.
    You have penned well for these prompts. Bravo poet! ~Pamela


    • paulcreates silver member
      January 5, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you P.A.L. Your contests are challenging. I seem to nearly give up then I have my "ah-ha" moment
      Paul


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    December 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    I saw this contest and wonder how to do it. Very good. Thank you for your comments on my write.

    • paulcreates silver member
      December 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Talloaks. To someone like me not used to the strict form it was a bit like trying to eat soup in a straight jacket. A definite learning experience. lol


  • Blue Rew silver member
    December 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and an elegant rhythm for the tongue
    to dance to. Snowflakes are tiny petals themselves
    and I adore the tie-in of sprites. Blue

    • paulcreates silver member
      December 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Blue Rew. It was one of my more rigorous learning experiences, that's for sure. But I did glean alot about writing from it.


  • butterflywriter
    December 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    U R one clever cowboy

  • ea silver member
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This does give the feel of snow filtering down but for a waltz I would have liked to see the words (or at least syllables) grouped in threes perhaps. Creative take on the prompt here, though. Good luck.

    • paulcreates silver member
      December 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment.
      This Rispetto has to strictly adhere to only 8 syllables per line. As you can see 8 is not divisible by 3 to match the 3/4 time of the dance, thus I had to improvise.
      This in the author's notes:
      To realize the Waltz effect, give the first 6 syllables a value of one beat in each line and give the last two words in each line a value of three beats each. For example:
      Flaked snow queen, fil-ter-ing, dooooooown wooooords


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really beautiful I love the way you wrote it out
    I wish you te best of luck in the contest Cara

    • paulcreates silver member
      December 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Cara. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was a callange to get the syllables to line up with the type of dance.

1 - 11 of 11