We never stop, always moving in this afterlife of hell;
our tortured souls in circles go, back and forth in our cell.
Whips to drive us, no goal at the end, and there really is none;
we'll be running throughout the echoes of eternity when time is gone.
Ours are lives that were lived uncaring of what we did day to day;
we wasted it all, though others needed more, to our souls' decay.
Ever running, our legs break free, only to be reattached once more;
and on it goes, once we've had enough, we'll run faster than before.
We don't dare stop or drop we would through the rest of the terraces;
where some starve, some are blind, some choke on smoke, some lie on their faces.
Onward we go, for thousands of lifetimes, no idea how long we've already been;
in this race against our past lives, and the goal no-one ever will win.
Author notes
sloth/languidness
option four
A contest entry
- 123rd Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended December 28, 2007, 2 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pick a word - Write a poem in 10 LINES or Less (L) by The Fun House.
1050 points, ended January 11, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is good, not overly original in content but a good piece of poetry nontheless. I do feel it would read smoother with cleaner line breaks/stanzas. It just seems a touch cluttered but that could be to meet the line requirements in the contest so not going to count that against you at all
Nice job .
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I found one little oopsie in the last but one line: aleady -> already.
Again you have added some great imagery here, and I definately like the strong andpowerful message you radiate within your lines as well!
thanks for the entry!
Leander
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