Mysterious and beautiful;
Thoughtful and kind.
You bring more joy to my heart
than a poetic rhyme.
In my eyes, everything you do
seems so very graceful;
and of all the girls I see,
My heart says you’re the one for me.
I see no other so gorgeous,
hear no other voice so sweet.
Loving and gentle;
mysterious and beautiful.
The beauty of your stature,
The charm of your smile
astonishes me more than
the pyramids of the Nile.
Your calm and collectiveness
Consoles the pain of others.
Attentive and caring;
mysterious and beautiful.
You have walked right in
my heart’s front door; stolen the deed.
Now I must ask,
“how do you plead? ”
Author notes
This ballad is dedicated to a girl I used to have a crush on a long time ago.
Hope you enjoy and God Bless!
Comments and critique always welcomed!
by the way, did you notice the Queen of Hearts?
A contest entry
- Tear Drops On My Guitar by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended January 11, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest!! Please enter!! by With Broken Wings.
1200 points, ended March 15, 2008, 102 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PW Party by Blooming Poet.
425 points, ended July 23, 2008, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me a poem about beauty. by Sacred Geometry.
525 points, ended January 30, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any thoughts or feeling provoked by this?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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thankyou for entering,
sadly i kno that feeling only to well,
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Last stanza is cool. The general feel of the poem is nice. It was an interesting try to put "mysterious and Beautiful" at the end of every other stanza, though it may have also affected the rhythm for those lacking.
Sweet poem, thanks for entering. -
nice thank you for entering my contest you are a very talented writer X
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I like the simplicity of this piece, flows well, and it very touching.
"You have walked right in
my heart’s front door; stolen the deed.
Now I must ask,
“how do you plead? ”"
Nice last stanza.
Good luck in the contest.
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thanks fer commenting
thanks fer tha comment. there's this girl that I have feelings for...'love' is too strong of a word right now, but 'like' just doesn't seem to cut it, and God placed this ballad in my heart. I have already given the girl a copy and she liked it. cant take credit though b/c without God I couldn't of done something like this.
glad u enjoyed it and God Bless.
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Ohh yeah. I read this. Beautiful.
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this is very beautiful. I love how youu compare your love and the aspects of it to amazing worldy beauty like the pyramids, it really emphazizes your point. Just a feww errors though. These will not effect my judging but it might with other contests.
1. In the frst line beautiful does not need to be capitlized
2. in line 2 kind does not need to be capitilized.
3. In line 4 than does not need to be capitilized, it is not the start of a sentence.
4.Lines 2 and 3 of the 2nd stanza do not need to start with a capital letter.
5. In lines 3 and 4 of stanza 2 the only capital letter should be Loving
6. Stanza 3 line 2 does not need to be capitilized
7. stanza 3 lines 3 and 4 should not start with a capital.
8. Same with the last 2 stanzas just go back through and check capital letters.
This is a very good poem and the errors I said above are minor things, understand they do not ruin or make this a bad poem. Fixing them though would take this from amazing to top-notch. Thank you for entering my contest and best of luck to you in my contest.
Widows Veil
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THANKS!!!!
Thanks fer comment and critiquing! that's what ive been wanting all along! comments are great, but critiquing like u did is btr! thanks a bunches!
so, does it seem fit for almost-perfection?
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I loved this, it was very beautifully written and I love the style. The last verse was particularly good. One point though : Maybe you should change the 2nd beauty in the 4th stanza. It makes it seem a tad repetitive. Great work, thanks for entering and good luck =] Hannu xx
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thanks fer commenting! and i fix it, thanks fer tha help! is it any btr?
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