Every day many people come and go
Giving sin its chance to reign
Reign over everyone's hearts and souls
Poisoning their very beings
She will always be around
Kneeling toward everyone's minds
Infusing her thoughts
Causing their own thoughts to become green with envy
An envy which no one can escape
For he has come to destroy their lives
Their lives of peace and tranquility
But he does not care
Or feel for his feelings are not real
He holds up the green apple
The green apple that contains their soul
The soul which once he has had his fill of is passed to sin
And then the soul will be lost in the eternity of the green night
A night which can never end
For it has just begun
Under sin's watchful eyes
And the eyes of her followers
In her perfect domain
Behind the green hearts of her prey she controls for all of time
Author notes
Pic. Inspired: "Envy" by Marta Dahlig
A contest entry
- Noxious Green of Envious Eve by DayDreamMuse.
1500 points, ended December 29, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PIF Contest-paying it forward...June 3rd judging will begin-.picture is Feminine GREEN EYED MONSTER by ears2hearyou.
300 points, ended June 6, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me how i did plz.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Excellent write!
you truly did this topic wise stalking justice!
That was very clever the green apple as a simile.
When I am faced with poetic envy of another writer,
and there are quite a few on this site..that are outstanding! I try to study them, and question, and
learn so envy is turned into a lesson to be learned.
I'm getting much better at handling critique's although
i've fell upon my face a time or two..blushing.
Thankyou for this write...it gives us a lot of wise
nutricious red apples to chew upon!
ears/Seattle
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A very good take on the prompt. I really like the use of the 'apple'. Great imagery, good luck in the contest.
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Its almost symbolic with the use of the apple. Great write here midnight. Beautifully written and very descriptive. Well done.
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Thank you very much Nyte, it means a lot!*hugs*
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There is a voice here that cries to be heard. Expounding on the fall of souls and the power of
sin. Reading this, I get the impression of its implicating all sin rather than the specific topic of envy. There is also a use of duel pronouns in his/her that is distracting; almost as if too much is being personified (souls, sin, envy). Also, I find an overwelming use of green here with no variance in expression. Green has many shades and symbols.
Even the title brings a feeling of generalization.
I felt the second stanza was the strongest. Personification in the female aspect to match the artwork prompt and it is the part that pertains to envy in particular. I hope these thoughts are taken in the light they are meant: as encouraging and constructive critique. Blue -
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Thank you
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A poem filled with fervor. It has a nice feeling to it of crashing danger and a very dark, but true point about sin and how mankind has let itself getting corrupt.
~DD~
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Thank you very much!
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