What the world be as I have known it,
As a traveller and a watcher,
The fast lanes clearing out the rejected
And showing the amplitude the winners.
All the merry and all the sound
Of awe-inspired heart-struck gentry,
classifying the classified,
And merely enjoying the bait.
A believer in money, all the show,
In God, the one that he made,
And gotten trapped in the puppetry
that he once thought he played.
Now everything makes sense
And now it is all confused;
When slowly he puts his mind to it
all the facts, by his thoughts, are disapproved.
Then he is enjoying it all,
Sitting and drinking and talking,
And driving along the long road
And waiting for the horizon.
"What was that?" he turned around;
Nothing but himself to see:
The same empty eyes, and the same blank look;
But still unclear was he.
Faintly a thought struck his mind;
The facts, now they disapprove
"Could it be?" "Absolutely not,"
And forced back into the groove.
Forgot what he saw, and turned back to watch
The showpieces laid down neatly;
Not giving a thought to the dreadful sight
That his own make presented meekly.
Author notes
This creation speaks of the hypocrisy in our present day soceity and what the world is coming to. I have not portrayed this by any example from our daily life or anything. I have just tried to imagine and capture a scene where hypocrisy is at its potential best!
The scene is of a person sitting in a theatre and watching the "showpieces laid down neatly" by the "fast lanes clearing out the rejected". He suddenly realises that, for the ones behind him, he himself is the showpiece; and in fact there is a whole line of people watching and being watched, in what i feel is a horrid image!
PARAPHRASE:
"The fast lanes clearing out the rejected
And showing the amplitude the winners."
>>There's a certain group of people who modify the truth for us and give us what we think we enjoy, when actually it is a "bait" for us.
"A believer in money, all the show,
In God, the one that he made,"
>>Talking about the protagonist, one of the "amplitude" and the "awe-inspired gentry". He believes in 3 things: Money, Show, God "the one that he made"(Man created God)
"And gotten trapped in the puppetry
that he once thought he played."
>>The ones sitting and watching were themselves once the "fast lanes". Now they are at the receiving end of their own game.
"Now everything makes sense
And now it is all confused;
When slowly he puts his mind to it
all the facts, by his thoughts, are disapproved."
>>He somehow seems to realise "all the facts" that he has "gotten trapped in the puppetry that he once thought he played"; but whatever the facts say, his thoughts have been nurtured to believe that this is virtually impossible.
"Then he is enjoying it all,
Sitting and drinking and talking,
And driving along the long road
And waiting for the horizon."
>>Describing the man sitting in the theatre and enjoying what he has been told to enjoy. On this path he will stay for a very long time, as the truth will be kept from him forever (atleast till Judgement Day).
""What was that?" he turned around;
Nothing but himself to see:
The same empty eyes, and the same blank look;
But still unclear was he."
>>When he turns around, he sees himself sitting behind him, and watching him! This goes on infinitely as many of himself are sitting in multitudes of rows watching the ones in front of them ("the showpieces laid down neatly")
"Faintly a thought struck his mind;
The facts, now they disapprove
"Could it be?" "Absolutely not,"
And forced back into the groove."
>>This time, when he considers the possibility of what he had just seen, his imagination runs so wild, realising all the truth about the matter, that the facts "now they disapprove"(Because the truth isn't a fact, it's hidden).
His imagination:"Could it be?"
The facts:"Absolutely not,"
"Forgot what he saw, and turned back to watch
The showpieces laid down neatly;
Not giving a thought to the dreadful sight
That his own make presented meekly."
>>He says 'Ok, whatever!' and turns back to do what he was (and all the "he"s in the world were) doing.
"his own make"=God(again, Man created God)
To SilverScent,
FOR THE CONTEST : "I'm 25 or under"
Also, so I know you've read the 'author notes' please put 3 applauds in your comments!
A contest entry
- Prewrites mania!! by Xx Luna xX.
550 points, ended January 7, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - show me your more. [Eyes] contest. by hks.
300 points, ended February 14, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 25 and under by silverscent.
460 points, ended February 12, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Contest For Teens by xTomorrowx.
750 points, ended February 3, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I by N e a r.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This poem seemed to lack flow a little to me, and when reading the actual poem in parts I didn't really understand, after reading the authors notes it did make a lot more sense to me though... I'm not very good at metaphors....
Good write, a very interesting story... Thanks for entering and good luck. -
Thanks for entering A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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Such honest words that really have a deeper meaning then just words on a screenshot. This is deep and thoughtful. Nicely written!
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Well im not sure you need or want a critique on this...you seem to have spelt it out, told me what you think im supposed to believe and interpret in your notes accompanying the contest entry.
which is interesting because you yourself write
There's a certain group of people who modify the truth for us and give us what we think we enjoy, when actually it is a "bait" for us.
Hang on, isnt that just what you are doing here?
This truly smacks of dogma...i dont know if that was your intention, or if you are a fundamentalist christian but to be brutally honest, i didnt get it, and it didnt make me fond of it-i found this with too much complicated imagery that i must admit even in your explanations didnt make much sense to me at all...
Usually i can pick out something i like, a phrase or a stanza, but it was too complicated, lacked flow, lacked simplicity, and intricacy...and i cant help but think that a spiritual awakening or an epiphany of some sort would appear simple, obvious , ingenious, even to the bystander or the believer....oh well, i guess he works in mysterious ways -
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do reply..
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well ill be frank, it comes across a little bit manic-but whose to say thats not disguised brilliance- but am i the ignorant amplitude, or do i just misinterpret for them?
I m still very confused about what you were trying to say- no really, no idea....My style is fairly simple, yet i hate too simple in the same way i dismiss too complicated ....im on the hunt for universal understanding of very personal experiences, so the wording and the structure i am just plain obstinate about- but this is poetry- i like what i like- many people like faithfully rhyming stanzas, many people like using big, unused words and revising the life out of poetry, it doesnt matter because that is what they like,i am guilty of all these things im sure
but the way i feel about it is this- if you have done your job right as a poet- i should be able to get the essence or intention from your words that u meant to convey- a lot of the time people reveal inintentional symbols that say a great deal about them, which is interesting, but Im interested in the authors intentions...i simply found/and still find it hard to understand you, id almost prefer to read you in direct prose, rather than metaphors -
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okok.. this all seems to be because of the Perth Test
dont worry, you still have a chance at Adelaide, dont you?!!
j/k
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Wow! thanks a lot. thats a lot of critique for me there (the most i can handle for once!)
firstly, no, it wasnt my intention to force something down your throat through my notes... it was just an attempt to help the readers understand the poem fully. cuz after a couple of comments, i realised that this has faced a lot of misinterpetation (which, in fact, would be like 'modifying the truth' for the ignorant amplitude). Thus, i ended up spending an afternoon writing out a paraphrase on a friend's suggestion.
Honestly, i cant quite understand how my poem is a "bait" for you when actually it is only trying to reveal the starking truth (which, in fact, no one is ready to believe like the guy in the poem). So, here, i must thank you, cuz uv virtually proven my point for me.
Then again, if iv (unintentionally) done something that my poem says people do, then actually it is a point rightly depicted, aint it?
(But still, it wasnt intented that way)
On a more general note, any form of art is always open to diverse interpretations, and people like to see it in their own way. For that, i thank you (again) for forming a contrasting yet strong opinion on my poem. Still, there is always one thing that the artist had intented to bring out. Here, it is clearly my failure to have not been able to convey the message clearly enough. Nevertheless, there is a message which I had tried to propagate, and it is only to make people understand this message that i have used my author notes for the eager reader (again, i thank you for being one and reading the whole thing)
In the end, I believe iv learned a lot from your one comment.. that i need to keep it simple enough for people to understand. and i ll do that.. thanks (AGAIN!)
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the flow and rhyme and use of metaphor make this piece awesome... of what the world is becoming.. that just my opinion.. maybe i can be wrong.. great works .. thanks for sharing ..
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I liked this
I thought this was rather good. I definitely liked the message of it, and it's something I'm sure most people can agree with. You have a great metaphor being played here, and it reads smoothly. My only objection is that the rhyme seems forced. I would have liked it a lot better if it didn't rhyme, but that's just my opinion.
Nice job; keep up the great work!
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Sitting and drinking and talking,
And driving along the long road
And waiting for the horizon.
I love these lines...
Very interesting and unique read.
Great job! Thank you so much for entering and good luck.
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A disturbing portrait of what the world is coming to
Odd, thought provoking work. At first glance, it doesn't make a lot of sense but the meaning shines through subsequent reads. A stark, disturbing picture of what the world is coming to. Well done. -
This word interaction is intricate and creative, very well done, very captivating. Some awesome lines.
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and gotten trapped in the puppetry that he once thought he played' neat! This is a mature and well thought out write, original and not full of cliches 'nothing but himself to see' describes the narcissist beautifully
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alrite...
the first glance..
u dont know what the heck is he trying to say!!
second glance...u start to smile..
third read..."now thats a cool one!!"
cool stuff...
hmm..gettin sum competition..
hope i dont lose my 'fans' hehe
nice rite..
the only problem is that u rite once in a blue moon...
PS-the title cud hav been 'the hypocrite'
hehe
after all..we've spent hours discussing this darnd society!!
PS(2)-aur saale main tumhaare tarah kanjoos nai hun..
gave u 3 well desrved applauds!!
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