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Butterfly

Catch me with those sweet hands
You can close me there
But a trace of light is not bad
While I am owned I want to see outside
Remember there is life
And see some colors

Running through your skin
Your face is smiling
Because I am there
I allowed you to have me
But you think it's your effort
You think I'm yours

You say you want to let me fly
But your thoughts are corrupted
You want to dry me
The window will exhibit my body
My beautiful colors for you
A fake triumph for you

You want me to be a sign of love
Gave my body to your love
Your beloved and my executioner
Want me forever
Or lose me for life?
You ruined my body

Pollen remnants
I can barely look
The colors are dying
But you don't even care
You can find another
And leave me die there

You want me to stick
But you hold me too tight
Breaking my wings
Let me go and fly away
And see if I come back to you
Because I'm not loving but love

Author notes

By Kyo-N.
"Franklin's mould farm" <- Rules of one of the contests.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • BorntothePurple
    August 4
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. I like how the image of the butterful works on two levels- first, the obvious one as the person being loved, then, as you imply in the last line, as love itself, fragile like a butterfly and so hard to hold. I really enjoyed this. Congratulations on a well-deserved silver and hm, and thanks for entering!

  • ultimate beluga
    August 2

    Edit | Reply
    good take on the prompt, the sorta thang i was looking for! i think it could do with a little editing here and there, just to improve the flow, but theres a lot of depth in this and i really like the strong connection to the butterfly metaphor. also i love the lines:

    Want me forever
    Or lose me for life?
    You ruined my body

    and i found the final line interesting too. thanks heaps for entering!

  • Lost Vampyre Angel Greeters member
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    UMM WOW this is amazing i mean from the imagery to the words you used, and how the poem switches from happy to sad, and loving but in pain, and how you describe yourself as a butterfly but you can still feel its a person, i mean this is one of the best poems ive read!! WOW all my love, best of luck in the contest, kitty xxx


  • SEA angel
    July 1
    Edit | Reply

    This is a tear jerker

    Are all those contests above contests this poem has been entered in and not placed?


  • Miss Masquerade
    June 29

    Edit | Reply
    This obviously had careful planning behind almost every word resulting in beautiful flow and a sweetly sad emotion, instead of the raw throbbing pain. It fits a butterfly. Thank you and good luck.

  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    A very well thought out piece and very well written.
    Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.

  • kitty23
    May 27
    Edit | Reply
    wow
    very attractive it kept my attention very much so
    it was like so sweet and gentle at the begin then changed so swiftly
    wow again very well done
    sorry im just getting to your poem i had alot of long ones i had to get to to
    but thank you for entering
    and sharing with me and my co judge
    we enjoyed it very much so

    keep up the great work

    kitty23

  • Winters Recluse silver member
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    this started out so sweet and so suddenly changed it held my attention throught out and i mustg say this is very well don

  • Cupcrazy gold member
    May 7

    Edit | Reply
    A very thoughtful and contemplative piece that you managed to infuse a great deal of emotion into. Great write, thanks for your entry. Hugs, Bunny


  • lilblueeyesmine1978
    May 7
    Edit | Reply
    THsnkd for entering this into my contest. I really liked this very wqell.

  • Cat10
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    thanks for entering! very interesting piece! I really enjoyed it though in this line "And leave me die there" it doesn't make much since..you may need to add the word "to" in there, anyway, nice job and good luck in this and in all of your contests!

  • calendar girl
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    i really like this, the only thing i'd change is getting rid of the second- and third- to last stanzas. otherwise, great job, interesting perspective=]

  • JackFellDown
    April 18

    Edit | Reply
    That is very nice. Its a beautiful piece. The background is especially touching. This piece made me sad actually. An attestament to its power. I liked this one, It was well done with the imagery. Good Luck ~peace


    • Kyo-N
      April 19
      Edit | Reply
      The background was provided by AP... so it doesn't affect the poem that much.

  • TwilightPanther gold member
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    What a wonderfully thought out poem...comparing love to a trapped butterfly...the hopelessness and yet always looking for away out...very good! Niaish so much for sharing and for entering


  • Misery into Melody
    April 11

    Edit | Reply
    This is good although I'm sorry to say due to the amount of contests its in, it will be judged more harshly then others.
    Nice write.

  • Jack22
    April 8

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very well-thought-out piece.. I can see why you said it was your best... VERY splendid!

    Jack

  • B Tha Revolution
    April 5

    Edit | Reply
    I was curious to see what you poetry style was. Intresting take on the age old feeling of love. Like the abstract imagery in this.


  • Adios Muchachos silver member
    April 3
    Edit | Reply

    Kyo-n

    This was great! Some time agok there was a movie titled The Collector, reminded me of the movie.

    JJ

  • Luminescence
    March 17

    Edit | Reply
    You do not have an AP name so I cannot judge your poem at this time... if you would please edit it and then comment me back so that I can then judge it... thank you for your understanding.
    ~luminescence

  • Poetryintheblood
    March 1
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your beautiful entry, good luck, Josie

  • MonAmourEternel
    February 29

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, You have have explained the very true and real meaning of love in a very special and different way.
    I like your theme and the way of expression


  • XChrisUnknownX
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    I like it very much, and it gives me a memory or two. I like the last stanza's 4th and 5th lines most, probably because that's what I'd have preferred in aforementioned memories.


  • Julia123
    February 28
    Edit | Reply
    that was really good

  • StabbyJack
    February 28
    Edit | Reply
    Catch me with those sweet hands
    You can close me there
    But a trace of light is not bad
    While I am owned I want to see outside
    Remember there is life
    And see some colors

    I loved that entire first stanza i really like the style that you wrote in as well good job

  • Beverlique
    February 27
    Edit | Reply
    this is beautiful!

  • De-Throned
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    Good job. My favorite part is:
    Pollen remnants
    I can barely look
    The colors are dying
    But you don't even care
    You can find another
    And leave me die there
    Good luck in the contest
    De-Throned

  • Nyabbi
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    You want me to stick
    But you hold me too tight
    Breaking my wings
    Let me go and fly away
    And see if I come back to you
    Because I'm not loving but love

    i love this stanza ^_^
    it captures the feeling of being held back by somebody and wanting to be free so badly
    and by the last line i do believe you mean the whole "i dont love you but i love the idea of loving you back" concept?
    great write
    thanks for entering
    good luck
    -Nyabbi

  • James Dean
    December 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    And leave me die there

    careful on that line

  • trippingout24
    December 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i REALLY enjoyed this. this is one of my favorite poems from this site. thank you for sharing it.


  • shysky silver member
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant

    On the first level this speaks to me of a love I had once. Someone who was full of love for themselves and never really cared that I loved them. Secondly this speaks of a gentle beautiful soul who is being crushed under the demands of another person and in fact the entire world. Some souls are so fragile that it only takes a simple word or phrase to crush them for a long time.

    Remember though the butterfly is strong in its own way and perseveres. They have a beauty that no other can touch and it lasts even in death.

  • Adios Muchachos silver member
    December 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this glimpse into the world of the butterfly.
    Would it have been worse killing a caterpillar, seeing as how the metamorphosis was not complete?
    I don't know myself. But I do know that this is a very sensitive poem.
    I once saw a movie titled The Collector which was about a man who not only collected butterflies and moths, but people as well.

    Nice poem Qqq.


  • Zixaphir
    December 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Enticement. Beautiful, isn't it? Waiting on that window seal for your captor to let you decor yourself, to make yourself beautiful for the "owner"?

    "Pollen remnants
    I can barely look
    The colors are dying
    But you don't even care
    You can find another
    And leave me die there"

    The end of this part, I dunno, the grammar seems wrong to me, like a typo, but it may have been your intent. This part is extremely dark, and as such is probably my favorite part of the poem, and serves well as the climax of the poem. Good game, good game.

1 - 34 of 34